In Search of Hallelujah

   Things in my neck of the woods are asunder.  My husband has been out of work for five months.  He's an educated and talented person; Honestly I thought he would have been hired already.  However, that is not the case, and today he got two rejections in a row.  It makes want to scream, " Really?  Can I get a break here?" 
     What can you do when your loved one is disappointed and hurting?  If you are me, you leave him the hell alone.    I haven't been married to him for 21 years for nothing.  After a couple of hours, we chatted.  I filled out a job application and found a temp job for next week. I keep thinking what else can I do?  Surely there's something?  Guess what?  There's one more thing!  I can wait. I can be patient.  Not my strong suits for sure. Psalm 40: 1 states, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;  He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.   He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."  This resonates with me; I feel the truth of it in my heart.  However my mind screams, "Have you forgotten me?"  I am sure this is a time of learning for us.  I am currently missing the message.  Like Samuel I cry out, "Speak , for your servant is listening."
      But God's time is unlike our time and his greater purpose often eludes are earthly craniums.  In Ecclesiastes we hear, "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."  Maybe this is our time " to tear down and then  to build? " 

      It is easy to be a believer when all is well.  So in the interim, I will take comfort in Romans 8:28 " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  I am grateful for all I have been given.  I am richly blessed.  In the midst of chaos the believer can still say "Hallelujah."  I want to say Hallelujah.  My heart's in the right place.  My rebellious mind and my desire for control make it difficult.  Today, I'll whisper it.  Maybe, just maybe, my robust "Hallelujah" is just around the corner?

Equal Threads

     A few months ago I took up a childhood hobby again: needlepoint.   The last time I had taken up a needle was in 7th grade art.  I made a a picture of a dark pink strawberry on an ivory background.  I remember enjoying the meditative quality of the stitches and the colors of the yarn.  Of course being me, this time I did not start with a nice little fruit picture.  I chose a tapestry, a full fledged tapestry.  It is one of seven designs depicting the Genesis story of creation.  I am crafting the first one based on "And God said, "Let there be light."  The pattern , resplendent with color and bursting stars,  is by textile artist, Alex Beattie.

     Tonight I was working on some yellow detail and I turned the canvas over to secure the loose thread.  God in Heaven!  Good job I don't plan on framing the piece with the back showing.  It's a right mess. Yet, I'm OK with it.  When you look at the back you can actually see how I've warmed up to the project.  I've gotten neater.  I've figured some things out and I've actually gotten better. I've even changed some colors to make the work more uniquely mine. In the midst of these improvements, the poorly tied off bits and tight stitches seem to fade a bit.
     I think if we consider our lives we can draw some of the same types of conclusions.  When I reflect on some of the things I've done and said, I wish I had done some things differently.  There were times I should have spoken up that I did not. There were times I should have shut up, when I did not.  There have been times I could have given more but didn't want to, and times I wanted to give more, but I could not.  Finally, there are the obvious mistakes that brought about incredible, and painful, growth.  I believe that a considered life is a well lived one.  The whole picture is composed of  many stitches; it would not be the same work without the mistakes and  the spontaneous ideas. When asked about his early research on electricity, Thomas Edison said " We now know 1000 ways how not to build a light bulb."  Notice he DID NOT say, "I failed 1000 times."  He knew that to get to the HOW he he had to go through the HOW NOT TO.  Painful but true.
      The poet Maya Angelou said, "We should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color." I am going to try and re- frame the way I look at my life.  It could very well be that I am not a failure, but a very purposeful work in progress.  That's a project I can stick with.

If The Shoe Fits, Wear It

    Every so often I have the immeasurable pleasure of discovering an author who is new to me.  Swedish writer, Henning Mankell is my recent find.  His comments were on the back of a Swedish detective series I'd started.  He loved the Martin Beck series, as do I, and I thought,  "Hmm, who is this Henning Mankell?"  He's written detective/suspense novels as well, but I chose to start with a straightforward novel,  The Italian Shoes.

     This work looks at the life of a surgeon who made a tragic mistake.  The novel recounts his reaction and his unpredictable, and stunning, redemption.  The characters are artfully drawn without being overly descriptive.  Mankell's use of metaphor is apt and sparing;  this makes their use powerful. When his pet dies he carries it and remarks on the weight,  he says, "  The dead are always heavy."  This line made me stop short and stop  reading.  The dead are heavy physically but they are heavy in so many ways. The storytelling has symmetry. The careful reader will appreciate the author's use of color and detail.   Mr. Mankell  is a craftsman.
     Who among us isn't in need of redemption, or at least clarity?  The main character's life takes unexpected, healing twists of growth.  His path is not an easy one, but it is there.  For me this story is one of hope.  There is always the opportunity for change, but the first steps are internal and unseen.  Change begins with your intention and your willingness to see things differently.  I realized this today when I was visiting  the naturopath.  Healing is not simply about balancing the physical body.  I've realized that healing is not just fixing my thyroid and losing weight.  In my case, healing means bringing the physical and spiritual into alignment.  It means accepting, as noted in Buddhism, things are always changing.  Peace is not being without conflict or affliction.   An unknown author phrased this so elegantly:  " Peace.  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."  Here lies the challenge:  No matter what your belief system or religion, do you believe that good is stronger?  Do you believe that despite our frailty and imperfection,  we are worthy of redemption?  Henning Mankell believes so, and I agree.  I say that it's time to try our highest selves on for size.  We have nothing to lose and a world of connection and peace to gain.