He stood frozen in the hallway and gripped
the Fed Ex envelope in his right hand.
His face was expressionless and
tight. "They let me go, " he
said. I laid the plate gently on the
table "What do you mean?," I sputtered. "I need to find a new
job," he replied. Suddenly, my stay
at home mom gig seemed indulgent. I had been
a stay at home mom for thirteen years; I needed a job too.
Scholarship is one of my gifts. I was
convinced that I would be an ambassador or a lawyer. I wanted my life to have
value. I applied to various universities including Vanderbilt and
Georgetown. The Georgetown University
School of Foreign Service was my ideal.
I waited. I hoped. Much to my
delight, I was offered a place in the class of 1984.
My first professional job was working as a
government editor. I worked in Washington, DC and Asia, traveled widely and
met many people including my future husband, David. When we married, David was stationed at Fort Lewis,
Washington. The military was a core part
of his identity. I knew that I could be happy in a variety of jobs, so I quit
my editing job and moved to Washington State.
My husband wanted me to have a career of my own. I thought long and hard
about my next move.
I looked for a portable science career
and settled on nursing. Psychiatric,
Medical Surgical, Obstetric and Geriatric nursing filled my days. My least
favorite subject was Psychiatric Nursing. Years later, my background in this
subject would prove handy, even priceless.
When my
husband got orders to Okinawa, I stayed behind to finish my degree and sit my
RN (Registered Nurse) boards. I was 3
months pregnant with my son Victor. This
boy would change my mind about staying home and crack my heart wide open. I stayed
home with him during our two years in Japan. When we returned to the States, I worked part
time for a year and a half. I would
often rush from work to collect my son before the daycare closed. I felt like I
was doing many things at once, and none of them well.
The deployment tempo increased when we
moved to Fort Bragg, NC. My husband traveled often and even deployed to Iraq. I
decided to stay home and give my son stability. Stay at home moms helped me time
and time again. I put out judgment and received generosity in return. Much to
my chagrin, I realized that these women created real, heartfelt change every
day. We all have different lessons to learn. God knew my heart and He put me
with people who nourished my growth.
We continued to move. My resume grew older,
and sadder. My son entered elementary school.
In fifth grade he came to me and said, "Mom, there's something
wrong with me. I have to spin the dial
on my locker a certain number of times.
Sometimes I'm late for class. I need help". I was concerned about my son, but deeply
touched by his trust. He knew that nothing he could say would change my love
for him. My nursing background helped me find a suitable practitioner.
We
did cognitive behavioral therapy (a retraining of behaviors and learning to sit
with anxiety) at home. Gradually, he transitioned to taking full responsibility
for his therapy and treatment. Now, my son has a toolbox of solutions at the
ready. He is a bright, independent young man who is headed toward an
engineering career.
Selfless love and service can be catalysts
for personal and spiritual growth. I believe that my challenges have made me
more open to God's will for my life. Perhaps, gifts are not always the things
that come most readily. I still have
gifts, but now I understand that when you step out of your comfort zone, you can
uncover unexpected gifts. How we use these gifts determines our true value.
