Bring the Light

     On a deep, interior level, people are hurting. Races, ethnic groups and even genders feel marginalized and consequently angry. Anger is expressed through violent words and acts. Look at Google news. There are shootings. There is vitriol in the politics. There is a lack of civility and manners. There are horrific nuclear and chemical weapons. There is dire poverty. Sometimes I stand in the middle of what seems to be a vortex of darkness.
     Most days, I keep my head down and just try to work on my small part of the world. I try to drive gently, ceding way to others, being courteous. I remind myself that everyone has burdens. Yet every so often, I see a news clip of someone avowing violence, or the aftermath of a horrific attack, and for just a moment, my faith is shaken. There are times when I get a cold feeling in my stomach; I am afraid.

     Anne Frank said,"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart." It still amazes me that she said this at the height of the violence and persecution of WW II. All of us have the ability to embrace or reject the highest version of ourselves. Sometimes self righteous anger feels almost delicious. Our companions play the most important role in our despair, not our joy. Many is the time that a good friend has gently pointed out my mistake or harshness.

      Edmund Burke is credited with saying," The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." How we respond to the bigger world's chaos starts in the micro world of our connections and interactions. Supporting the people in our lives and accepting their support fortifies the heart. This doesn't change the world. It changes how we engage with the world. Good and evil are old rivals. However, each of us can choose our path and companions.

     Constable Bryan Woodard of the Dallas/Fort Worth area says, " I refuse to see hate live while love dies." I agree.  It's hard to love in a world that's hurting so profoundly, but the world needs those who are committed to gently pulling people back from the edge. When I have prayed for those I dislike, or disagree with, I have been transformed myself.  In art, it is light that brings color to life. In relationships, our light brings connection to life. Every relationship counts, every prayer has power.
   

Open The Eyes of My Heart

     I slid a circle tater tot across the paper toward the baby. "Excuse me?," I said. "Where did you get your baby?," she repeated. I am a white woman married to an Asian man, living in Japan so she assumed my son was adopted. "I am married to an Asian American  man," I said, "I remember the birth quite clearly." "Oh well, he does look Japanese. I have a friend who adopted a Japanese baby," she replied.  

     People base their opinions on what they already know; they are uncomfortable with things outside their experience. As a military spouse, I have had the opportunity to make friends with people of every race and religion. We had service to country in common, and I believe it helped us focus on other common areas. Race is not solely a political issue, it's also a heart condition.
     The word heart is mentioned in the Bible 500-800 times in the the new and old testament. The count varies on translation.Words like God, Lord, Heaven and Jesus bring in huge word counts. But heart is mentioned more than both love and light, in most translations. Bible verses on the heart are powerful and numerous. Examples include: "Create in me a pure heart, O God,  and renew a steadfast spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10), "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26) ,"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God" (Matthew 5:8) and "I will give thanks to you LORD, with all my heart, I will tell of your wonderful deeds." (Psalm 9:1)
      The heart is our interface with the Divine. Here, I take heart to mean our true intention or spiritual heart. The physical heart does offer incredible symbolism. It lies at our core and pumps life giving blood to our extremities and essential organs. Much like blood flowing from our beating heart, our intention, when aligned with the Divine, brings love through us and out into the world.

  When my son was a toddler, I would watch him run around the backyard; it was like watching my heart sprout legs and drive a Little Tykes truck. Once I took him for a lung capacity test. He was having a hard time and I found myself wondering if there were a way I could help him breathe. Now he's a healthy, accomplished runner, but I still recall my urge to breathe for him.  
   When people are known to us, we are open to them. Yet, Jesus reminded us that loving those who love us is not difficult. If we focus on what we have in common with others, I think it might coax open the sleepy eyes of our hearts. People of every race and religion love their families, work, struggle and laugh. We are all children of the One. Once the eyes of our hearts are open, I think we work from our highest selves. That's where love flows, and miracles are commonplace.
   

River Guides

     The water was not deep, but it was cold and fast. My left hand clutched the back of my husband's shirt. My right hand clutched my walking stick for dear life. " Please honey walk slowly," my husband implored. Patiently he continued, "Always keep two points down, it can be the stick and a foot or both feet, and breathe. You can even stop and rest." For once, I followed his advice. I breathed. I rested.  I stopped thrashing; I did not send us both into the Provo River.

Come on in! The water's fine.

     When I look at the world around me, it is like the rushing Provo River. We are proud of how busy we are. It is easy to get caught up in politics and social issues and well, thrashing. How does one avoid this? As a mother of a young man, I mull this over often. We have tried to teach him to put people above things, think independently and to value rest.
     Whether you are crossing the Provo or navigating life, who you travel with matters. My husband can infuriate me, but I trust him completely. He encourages me, but he also tells me when I am wrong. I am fortunate to be blessed with a handful of very dear friends and sisters that would drop everything for me and I would do the same for them. Quality, not quantity, of traveling companions is key.
     Thinking independently can be hard for young and old. I know people who have beautifully appointed homes. I enjoy lovely things. My rental home looks like college students live here. But I have to remind myself why I moved here: I moved here to help my son and get in-state tuition. So I need to be careful not to confuse my goals with somebody else's. Yet my husband shares my goals and that speaks to having solid companions.  As I get older, I tend to form more friendships based on values and not just common interests.
     Rest makes any crossing smoother. When I quiet my mind in meditation or prayer. I get ideas and solutions that are not part of my active mind. The enduring part of me, my soul, needs quiet to tune into the Creator. This channel is also opened by time in nature, music and the arts.
     Sometimes the news makes me want to throw my hands up in despair. What kind of world are we leaving to our children? But then, I stop myself and I remember that this planet is a school for spiritual growth. Without challenges, we would be slower to refine ourselves. Without darkness, we wouldn't cling to the light.
     The more important question is this: What kind of children are we leaving this world? If my messy rental home raises a kind hearted river guide, I will have done my job.

No Place Like Home

     I'll never know how he found the storage compartment; the panel was flush with the floor. He got his chubby little hand under the latch and opened the door. Before I could react, he was fishing packets of dried noodles from below and tossing them on the living room carpet. My hostess laughed, threw the noodles back overboard and placed a rug over the trap door. I was visiting Lake Biwa, Japan with my 9-month old son.

Please open the trap door....I want the noodles!

     When I arrived, I lumbered through customs with a car seat, stroller, baby and  suitcase. I was delighted to see my friend's husband just outside of immigration. We divided my luggage and proceeded to take a bus, a train and a taxi to their village.

Gracious hosts and happy travelers

     Once there, I decided to give the baby a bath. The bathtub was sunk in the floor. While I started the bath, my son set out to explore the wonders of  unsecured household cleaners. (They are decorated with inviting pastel colors). While I placed the cleaners above eye level, he hightailed it to the edge of the tub and promptly fell in. He was fine and crying loudly. I was fine and swearing loudly. I finished his bath, put him in pajamas and snuggled him into his futon. I collapsed on the couch. My friend brought me a beautiful little glass of plum wine and said, "you need this." I felt cared for and loved. I left with wonderful memories of  lake sunsets, temples and my friend Penny's nurturing. How could I be so far from home and yet at home? Because, home is not a place, home is a connection.
     My Dad passed away suddenly. One of the things I remember is sitting on the steps drinking a cup of tea that my friend made me. She sat by my side and spoke when I spoke. She showed me how to be present for the grieving.  I recently visited my old home in Utah. The mountain views are dazzling, but it was the welcome of friends that made the place truly beautiful.
    John 14:2 says ; "In my Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you. For I go to prepare a place for you." The heart of the Father is for all people. When I think of home as heart space instead of real estate, I believe that I am closer to the true definition. To be Christ-like is to make heart connections when it is easy AND when it is challenging. In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy wanted to return home. She didn't understand that she had the power all along.

      The highest self knows that without love we are mere "clanging cymbals" (1 Corinthians 13:1) When we return to our heart's center and connect with others, we get a glimpse of heaven. Home is not a physical structure, it is an intangible one. The philosopher Pliny the Elder said, " Home is where the heart is." Your home is a mobile one and the world needs just such travelers.

Take the Rest

     When they glide across the surface, it appears effortless. Yet underneath the water, their little webbed feet are paddling madly.  The mother duck charted a direct course to the shore. She shook her feathers out, tucked her head and settled in for a nap. Her two ducklings continued to spin and dart nearby. Suddenly, they stopped and swam towards Mom. Each duckling chose a side and sheltered under Mom's wings.

     The natural world respects the power and necessity of rest. The four seasons allow for regeneration. The quiet cold of winter is followed by a burst of life in spring. Man is part of nature, but we forget this. Intuitively we know we need to decompress; we search for ways to boost our energy. We turn to coffee, energy drinks, alcohol or medications. Sometimes, we ignore fatigue and accelerate the pace of our lives; illness and fatigue become regular companions.

Time for a nap!

     I recently completed a 10 day detox. I avoided processed food, alcohol, sugar and caffeine. I ate fresh vegetables, fruit, nuts, beans, tofu and fish. I drank water and decaffeinated tea. I incorporated more breath work and meditation into each day. I made a concerted effort to go to bed before 10 pm. I thought that the detox was about my body, but it was really about my mind.
     The caffeine and alcohol restriction gave me time to look at my habits. I enjoy coffee and wine, but now I enjoy them mindfully. I used breathing exercises to calm my mind when I had insomnia. The experience made me ponder different ways to rest.
    The senses are gifts, but they can be overstimulated. Authentic rest feeds the body and the soul. It calms the senses so we can tune into the spirit.  Beautiful music, breathtaking scenery, fresh air, music, a meal with friends, the hug of a loved one: All of these have restorative power. I recently spent time visiting with friends. There was no sightseeing, just connecting. Perhaps a more relaxed body leaves room for a more engaged heart?
     At the park, I hopped on the swing and began pumping my legs. I felt 4 not 54. The breeze rustling through the aspens was like the talking trees of Narnia. The scent of the pine trees was clean and invigorating. The sun was warm on my face. The ducklings waddled after Mom and settled in for a nap on the smooth, round rock. My physical body found calm and my heart found gratitude.

His Rose

On this Ash Wednesday, I am delighted to feature a guest blogger, my sister Alison T. Crews. Have a thoughtful and blessed Lenten season.

         
           Roses have always had a very special place in my heart. Growing up, our Grandmother had a double lot in Yonkers NY. This was uncommon; most yards were partially or fully paved. Grandma's yard was completely outlined in roses - many different colors and varieties. When we would visit from Georgia, she would let us go out in the yard, pick roses and make an arrangement in a vase.  It was a very special and grown up thing for me. They were beautiful, and part of her, and it was a treasure for her to share.

            These lovely memories all come flooding back to me when I tend the roses outside of my home. Feeding them, pruning them and even the ever-present dead heading throughout the long blooming season in Georgia.  But by far the most daunting of all rose care tasks is the winter cut back. The lady who we bought our home from was older and lived alone. The year we moved in the roses were HUGE, leggy and unruly, but still gifted beautiful blossoms. That next winter I made it a point to cut the roses back. In the spring and summer, they were full, and healthy and the roses made me smile. 

            So here it is February, winter in Georgia. Time to cut the roses back. Roses have quite the bite with their stickers and these bushes are about 12 years old – capable of making a grown man (or woman) cry. Today was sunny and I enjoyed being outside.  I took my task slowly and seriously. Cutting the bushes way back to encourage a nice fat bush to fill with blooms in the spring and summer. There were times when the branches got caught in my hair like little deadly combs, pulling my ponytail out. The branches snagged my clothing and my skin. Some even broke off through my gloves lodging themselves in my fingers.

             I started to think, “Why the heck am I doing this – it hurts”.  To which I responded, "It is a labor of love." Painful fingers and colorless bushes give birth to a season bursting with beauty, color, butterflies, bees, happiness and fond memories of my family and childhood. A true labor of love.

            As we move toward Lenten preparation, I cannot help but allow the thorns and the pain they brought me to lead me to thoughts of  Jesus. His crown of thorns and the suffering he endured at Golgotha prepared the way for His resurrection and our eternal lives with Him and the Father in Heaven. His life was taken from him---for us. We are His true labor of love, His family, His rose.

Alison T. Crews

A Wrong Number

    It was a simple business transaction. We use telephone numbers to look up our regular customers. I had to ask one particular customer twice. The second time she told me the number, she did so while turned the other way. For goodness sake, not only can I not remember, now I can't hear! So I asked a third time. This really irritated her; she proceeded to say the number very slowly and with a certain amount of exasperation. I relate this scenario as a vehicle for exploring our connection with others. Inner work and meditation can help us connect and move through our world with increased ease.

     I was taken aback by the customers response to me. However, when I was younger, I would have made it all about her. I have realized that every conversation involves the energy of both parties. She may have been irritated by me, or something else, or me AND something else. As for myself, my ego was offended and I know that my feet really hurt.

     Meditation gives you a clearer mind that allows you to see the many possibilities that are present in each moment. These possibilities prompt clearer communication in relationships and even in life choices. The clarity that I have gained through meditation has been an organic, incremental process, not an instant one. It is a worthy journey.

The Traveler and The Plum

     It began with a photo of a handbag.  It is a Coach handbag, all leather, beautifully designed and in a vivid plum. The fashionista in me had to see it in person. I went to the mall and found it chained to  a gold stand like an expensive fruit. The color was enticing, stunning even, but was this really my purse?
     I paused and noticed a display of purses for 40% off. I wanted a new purse, but my purpose was to have a reliable, clever one for travel. My desire was to travel and visit friends this spring. The purple purse would be a good option if I was simply looking for a gorgeous bag, an object d'art. No, my wants and needs were different today. I looked through the sale handbags and found two travel purses for less than the price of the exotic plum. I put the black, crossover bag over my shoulder. I could see myself running through airports, shopping at local markets and visiting friends. This was my handbag!
     What would happen if we considered what we want, need and desire in all our choices, big and small? I believe starting with small authentic choices prepares us for bigger ones. Before we realize what's happening, we are living the fullest expression of ourselves.
     How do you start making authentic choices for yourself? Take time for quiet. Walk in nature, enjoy music and art and meditate.  If praying is talking to God, than meditating is listening. Sheng Zhen meditation is one way of opening the communication channel. When you ground yourself in meditation, you prepare your heart to receive inspiration. A purse is a small, but symbolic choice. There are bigger decisions to be made: careers, relationships, family. Go within and begin to align your inner voice with your outer actions.

Ready to travel. This is perfect for my needs.

It's purple; It's chic.

Reclaiming Mary Elizabeth

     I recently read You Are Not Alone: A Sermon On Mary, Elizabeth and Being Given to One Another by Nadia Bolz-Weber. The sermon has many insights but three stood out for me. First, she notes how God provides us companions for the journey. Second, she speaks of our lives as puzzle pieces and states that " the jagged parts of our ourselves are what connects us to each other and God...." However, it was the main characters in her piece, Mary and Elizabeth, that jumped off the page and into my heart.
     I am a cradle Catholic. Attending Catholic school, there were Marys everywhere. If you didn't have Mary as your first name and your parents had a Mary in the family, you were going to have Mary as your second name. My family was overflowing with Marys and a sprinkling of Elizabeths.
There was my mother, Mary Elizabeth, cousin Mary Monica, Adria Mary, Aunt Mary, my Grandmother Elizabeth and finally the best of all combinations, Mary Elizabeth...that would be me.
     As a little girl, I loved the month of May and making a crown for the Blessed Mother statue at school. Growing up, my mother had a gorgeous, old fashioned statue of Mary on her dresser. Mary was radiant and peaceful and with one of her feet she crushed a serpeant. I respected that about her. She was confident and faith-filled and she simply crushed evil without breaking a sweat. What's not to love?

     In my teen years, the name "Mary" lost some of its meaning for me. It seemed old-fashioned. When I introduced myself, people said, "Catholic, right,?" I wanted to have an exotic name. I wanted to be Monique or Chloe. I saw my parents as suffering from a poverty of imagination. I forgot why you give names in the first place. By the time I got to college, I just wanted to be chic and foreign.
     I hadn't thought about my name in years. When I read Ms Bolz Weber's piece, it struck me: My parents named me after two women who walked the walk and talked the talk. They both were asked to walk on faith and they both said "God whatever your plan is, I know it's good." Mary was an unwed mother in a culture that frowned on that. Elizabeth conceived in her old age after years of infertility and social criticism. Not only did they have faith in God, he rewarded them with companionship for their journeys.

     I am named after two strong women who were asked to do God's will without seeing the whole picture. They embodied a quiet, deep faith. If I can emulate their faith, their loyalty and their kindness, I come full circle and reclaim Mary Elizabeth. What seemed old fashioned before, is actually timeless; now I understand.
   
     

Navigating the Dark

       My husband was suffering from an insistent cough; I retreated to the guest room to get some sleep. In the middle of the night, I got up to use the bathroom. Unaccustomed to that part of the house and bleary eyed, I came straight out of the bathroom and found myself in the dark, study. The study is  a minefield of boxes and souvenirs. Words, unlovely words, tumbled from my lips. I ran my hand along the edge of a box and made my way back to the hall.  Six steps and a quick left and I was nestled in the guest bed. All this wandering about in the night got me thinking about how we make our way through the dark moments of our lives.

     Of course, I could have just turned on the light. But to be honest, I was half asleep and it did not occur to me. I found my way out by using landmarks that I knew from seeing the room in the day. All of us experience darkness one way or another. There can be physical, mental, emotional or even spiritual dark nights of the soul. The term "dark night of the soul" is taken from a fifteenth century poem by the Spanish saint, St John of the Cross (Juan de Yepes y Alvarez). In his poem, St John looks at the journey of a soul through difficulty and darkness and finally reuniting with God.(For more information on St John please consult Catholic Online)
     Even when we drive, sail and walk in daylight, we consult a map (or GPS) before we head out. If you are hiking, you might sign in on a log in sheet before heading into the forest. You check the weather before you drive. If it's dark, and you are driving, you want to have functioning headlights. If you are walking, a flashlight is a good idea. Unlike transportation, dark times in our lives sneak up on us. There have been times I have been caught completely flat footed. The right tools helped me navigate the darkness.
     First, you need the right travel companions. Your friends should want you to be the best version of yourself, but they should also love the work in progress. A friend should share your values. I have a friend who stopped calling when my husband lost his job and I have a friend who helped me clean my barn when I sold my house. It has taken me time to learn friendship discernment. Depending on the situation, an ideal travel guide may even be a counselor or doctor.  As Edith Wharton said: There are two ways of spreading light: Be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
     Second, treasure experiences. People are more important than things. This seems an obvious statement, but until my husband lost his job, I just gave it lip service. I like nice things; yet things break and wear out. When you spend time with someone, whether its chatting, walking, dining, crafting, fishing, hunting, you form a memory. You can take that memory out anytime. Sometimes things even get funnier or more dear over time.
     Third and, most importantly, faith. I believe, to quote Father Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, that "We are spiritual beings having a human experience." I do not feel this is my home. I do feel I am passing through on my way to the Light.  Navigating darkness is temporary, but not new. The struggle of light and darkness is reflected in the Bible, the balance of yin and yang symbols and even the movie Star Wars. Darkness is a afoot in our world today and sometimes it frightens me. Perhaps Anne Frank said it best: "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." May you have good companions on the journey and may you know there is Light at the end of the tunnel.