A Wrong Number

    It was a simple business transaction. We use telephone numbers to look up our regular customers. I had to ask one particular customer twice. The second time she told me the number, she did so while turned the other way. For goodness sake, not only can I not remember, now I can't hear! So I asked a third time. This really irritated her; she proceeded to say the number very slowly and with a certain amount of exasperation. I relate this scenario as a vehicle for exploring our connection with others. Inner work and meditation can help us connect and move through our world with increased ease.

     I was taken aback by the customers response to me. However, when I was younger, I would have made it all about her. I have realized that every conversation involves the energy of both parties. She may have been irritated by me, or something else, or me AND something else. As for myself, my ego was offended and I know that my feet really hurt.

     Meditation gives you a clearer mind that allows you to see the many possibilities that are present in each moment. These possibilities prompt clearer communication in relationships and even in life choices. The clarity that I have gained through meditation has been an organic, incremental process, not an instant one. It is a worthy journey.

The Traveler and The Plum

     It began with a photo of a handbag.  It is a Coach handbag, all leather, beautifully designed and in a vivid plum. The fashionista in me had to see it in person. I went to the mall and found it chained to  a gold stand like an expensive fruit. The color was enticing, stunning even, but was this really my purse?
     I paused and noticed a display of purses for 40% off. I wanted a new purse, but my purpose was to have a reliable, clever one for travel. My desire was to travel and visit friends this spring. The purple purse would be a good option if I was simply looking for a gorgeous bag, an object d'art. No, my wants and needs were different today. I looked through the sale handbags and found two travel purses for less than the price of the exotic plum. I put the black, crossover bag over my shoulder. I could see myself running through airports, shopping at local markets and visiting friends. This was my handbag!
     What would happen if we considered what we want, need and desire in all our choices, big and small? I believe starting with small authentic choices prepares us for bigger ones. Before we realize what's happening, we are living the fullest expression of ourselves.
     How do you start making authentic choices for yourself? Take time for quiet. Walk in nature, enjoy music and art and meditate.  If praying is talking to God, than meditating is listening. Sheng Zhen meditation is one way of opening the communication channel. When you ground yourself in meditation, you prepare your heart to receive inspiration. A purse is a small, but symbolic choice. There are bigger decisions to be made: careers, relationships, family. Go within and begin to align your inner voice with your outer actions.

Ready to travel. This is perfect for my needs.

It's purple; It's chic.

Reclaiming Mary Elizabeth

     I recently read You Are Not Alone: A Sermon On Mary, Elizabeth and Being Given to One Another by Nadia Bolz-Weber. The sermon has many insights but three stood out for me. First, she notes how God provides us companions for the journey. Second, she speaks of our lives as puzzle pieces and states that " the jagged parts of our ourselves are what connects us to each other and God...." However, it was the main characters in her piece, Mary and Elizabeth, that jumped off the page and into my heart.
     I am a cradle Catholic. Attending Catholic school, there were Marys everywhere. If you didn't have Mary as your first name and your parents had a Mary in the family, you were going to have Mary as your second name. My family was overflowing with Marys and a sprinkling of Elizabeths.
There was my mother, Mary Elizabeth, cousin Mary Monica, Adria Mary, Aunt Mary, my Grandmother Elizabeth and finally the best of all combinations, Mary Elizabeth...that would be me.
     As a little girl, I loved the month of May and making a crown for the Blessed Mother statue at school. Growing up, my mother had a gorgeous, old fashioned statue of Mary on her dresser. Mary was radiant and peaceful and with one of her feet she crushed a serpeant. I respected that about her. She was confident and faith-filled and she simply crushed evil without breaking a sweat. What's not to love?

     In my teen years, the name "Mary" lost some of its meaning for me. It seemed old-fashioned. When I introduced myself, people said, "Catholic, right,?" I wanted to have an exotic name. I wanted to be Monique or Chloe. I saw my parents as suffering from a poverty of imagination. I forgot why you give names in the first place. By the time I got to college, I just wanted to be chic and foreign.
     I hadn't thought about my name in years. When I read Ms Bolz Weber's piece, it struck me: My parents named me after two women who walked the walk and talked the talk. They both were asked to walk on faith and they both said "God whatever your plan is, I know it's good." Mary was an unwed mother in a culture that frowned on that. Elizabeth conceived in her old age after years of infertility and social criticism. Not only did they have faith in God, he rewarded them with companionship for their journeys.

     I am named after two strong women who were asked to do God's will without seeing the whole picture. They embodied a quiet, deep faith. If I can emulate their faith, their loyalty and their kindness, I come full circle and reclaim Mary Elizabeth. What seemed old fashioned before, is actually timeless; now I understand.
   
     

Navigating the Dark

       My husband was suffering from an insistent cough; I retreated to the guest room to get some sleep. In the middle of the night, I got up to use the bathroom. Unaccustomed to that part of the house and bleary eyed, I came straight out of the bathroom and found myself in the dark, study. The study is  a minefield of boxes and souvenirs. Words, unlovely words, tumbled from my lips. I ran my hand along the edge of a box and made my way back to the hall.  Six steps and a quick left and I was nestled in the guest bed. All this wandering about in the night got me thinking about how we make our way through the dark moments of our lives.

     Of course, I could have just turned on the light. But to be honest, I was half asleep and it did not occur to me. I found my way out by using landmarks that I knew from seeing the room in the day. All of us experience darkness one way or another. There can be physical, mental, emotional or even spiritual dark nights of the soul. The term "dark night of the soul" is taken from a fifteenth century poem by the Spanish saint, St John of the Cross (Juan de Yepes y Alvarez). In his poem, St John looks at the journey of a soul through difficulty and darkness and finally reuniting with God.(For more information on St John please consult Catholic Online)
     Even when we drive, sail and walk in daylight, we consult a map (or GPS) before we head out. If you are hiking, you might sign in on a log in sheet before heading into the forest. You check the weather before you drive. If it's dark, and you are driving, you want to have functioning headlights. If you are walking, a flashlight is a good idea. Unlike transportation, dark times in our lives sneak up on us. There have been times I have been caught completely flat footed. The right tools helped me navigate the darkness.
     First, you need the right travel companions. Your friends should want you to be the best version of yourself, but they should also love the work in progress. A friend should share your values. I have a friend who stopped calling when my husband lost his job and I have a friend who helped me clean my barn when I sold my house. It has taken me time to learn friendship discernment. Depending on the situation, an ideal travel guide may even be a counselor or doctor.  As Edith Wharton said: There are two ways of spreading light: Be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
     Second, treasure experiences. People are more important than things. This seems an obvious statement, but until my husband lost his job, I just gave it lip service. I like nice things; yet things break and wear out. When you spend time with someone, whether its chatting, walking, dining, crafting, fishing, hunting, you form a memory. You can take that memory out anytime. Sometimes things even get funnier or more dear over time.
     Third and, most importantly, faith. I believe, to quote Father Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, that "We are spiritual beings having a human experience." I do not feel this is my home. I do feel I am passing through on my way to the Light.  Navigating darkness is temporary, but not new. The struggle of light and darkness is reflected in the Bible, the balance of yin and yang symbols and even the movie Star Wars. Darkness is a afoot in our world today and sometimes it frightens me. Perhaps Anne Frank said it best: "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." May you have good companions on the journey and may you know there is Light at the end of the tunnel.