Walking on Faith, Swearing Like a Sailor

      The last year of my life has been rife with opportunities for learning.  These opportunities are probably lessons I need, but they are definitely not lessons I would have sought freely.  My husband lost his job, my son got in trouble in school, the truck needed a new transmission and the well needed repairs.  Things happen, but for the longest time, I couldn't get a solid footing.  I panicked.  I flailed.  I was fearful. Then when we hit the year mark, something unusual happened:  I stopped being fearful.

     I attribute this change of heart to grace and nothing else.  I have continuously prayed for our highest good, whatever that may be.  I  realize that the struggles of the past year are part and parcel of our highest good.  My son and husband spent more time together.  We learned to make do with less. My son is very conscious of not wasting food and of  donating the things he doesn't use to others. If I lost this house, and I still had my son and my husband, I would be rich.  My revelation dovetails nicely with my recent readings on Ignatian  spirituality.
     I recently read The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything by James Martin, SJ.  This book made the examen, the Ignatian approach to prayer, very accessible.  The book is rich in detail and I will refer to it as I integrate the examen into my prayer life.  However, two points in the book apply to my current situation.
    When he writes about obedience, Father Martin discusses surrendering to the future.  He details some examples from his own life.  A dear friend asks him a pointed question,"Can you surrender to the future that God has in store for you?"  When I read this line, I had to put the book down.  It was as if the question had been asked to me at the very moment I needed to hear it. The answer is "yes", by his grace.   Father Martin notes that, "For most people, obedience is not being sent to work in a foreign land. It is stepping onto the path of daily life and continuing on it."  I am willing to walk the path.  I am  not brave, but I know that God goes before me.  Proverbs 3:6 reminds us "in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."  Please note Proverbs does not say acknowledge him and everything will be easy.  However, at least I'll be headed in the right direction!

Now if I can only stop swearing....

      A second quote from Father struck a cord with me.  In his discussion of magis, doing more or greater for God, Father Martin mentions the variety of work that serves God.  He says, "Great works are often quiet works."  This spoke to my heart.  I have been a stay at home mom for thirteen years.  When my husband lost his job, I cursed myself for ever leaving the work force.  My years at home left me with out of date skills and little earning power.  Yet, I have raised and taken care of a boy who has weathered his share of health issues.  My son is healthy, knows right from wrong and is an independent thinker.   His values are in place.  It was my values that needed a realignment.
     I have done more than my share of swearing this year.  Happily, I've also prayed from my core; this has made all the difference.  2 Corinthians 5:7 reminds me: "We live by faith, not by sight."  When I closed my eyes and stopped flailing, the eyes of my heart opened.  Now, I can see parts of my path that I had overlooked.   Go ahead, walk boldly.  You do not walk alone.