Love Thy Neighbor or At Least Wave

     Apparently I have offended the neighbors.  They tell my husband that they wave at me all the time and that I never wave back.  Yikes!  I have never seen them wave.  I in no way meant any disrespect or rudeness.  This last year has found me consumed by a personal vortex of unemployment, seasonal employment and teenage angst.  I have used every ounce of strength and creativity that God gave me to remain operational.  Honestly, there have been days where I looked down and was surprised that I had clothes on; I simply didn't remember that part of the day.
     While it pains me to realize that people feel snubbed, I do not feel compelled to explain myself or my circumstances.  In today's world of reality television, people are voyeurs of others' pain, heartache and troubles.  Nonsense.  I'll use tissues for my issues and keep my life private, thank you.  Happily, there's a lesson in this little drama.

Don't be like me.  Stop and smell the flowers, and pay attention to your surroundings.

     Henceforth, when a friend doesn't return my call immediately or respond in a way that I deem appropriate, I will step back and say, " Hmm. Maybe they have stuff going on or are distracted."  I will be more mindful that everything is not about me.  It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood and I do love my neighbors, but for pity's sake, I'm just human.  Please cut me some slack.

Spring is lovely in Silver Creek

A Hat, A Purse and An Attitude

    My sister sent me this photo.  From the left, it's my cousin Regina, yours truly and my Aunt Adria.  It's the mid 1960s and we are going to church.  There was a time when every proper woman, no matter how small, wore a hat to church.  My Mom wore a gorgeous lace mantilla to Mass.  I had a lace tortilla thing that I wore when I was school aged.  Though the fashion is captivating, it's my attitude in the photo that caught my eye.
     Regina is rubbing her shoe on the sidewalk, doing what she pleases.  Adria is posed perfectly and looks great.   Me?  I am fulfilling the requirement, but openly hostile.  I am not smiling. My gaze is out of the photo, not trained on the photographer.  My facial expression makes me laugh more than the little purse.  ( What does a  three year old carry in her purse anyway?)  My expression says "I am barely tolerating this nonsense and pretty soon somebody is gonna get their butt kicked."  I am no different today, except that I have learned to hide my distaste under a veneer of civility.  It doesn't mean I have become more patient.  It doesn't mean I have become more kind.  It simply means that I've learned to get along in society.  But there's a bigger revelation:  God has known me all along.
      He knows where I started.  He knows my attitude.  Heck, he even knew there was nothing in that little pocketbook!   He also knew there was some goodness in my heart.  He took my weaknesses and  molded them into strengths for the good of others and myself.  He took that sassy attitude and poured it into advocacy for mental health.  His grace channeled my selfishness away from my own desires to the greater good of a constantly moving military family.  To this day, my absolute stubbornness (along with a generous serving of grace) sustains  me through illness and uncertainty.  This is no small feat.
     Isaiah 64:8  reads "We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."  Upon reflection, I see that God uses our very weakness to make something beautiful.  As the Lord said to Paul  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."   For my part, sometimes I feel that the Lord has a wealth of material in me.  Maybe that's not as damning as it sounds. It means he can use my weakness for His greater purpose.   We are all works in progress.  An imperfection in the glaze doesn't make us useless.  It makes us wonderfully human.  Be you and be grateful.
    

The Spirit and the Deer

A favorite napping spot.

      My first summer in the mountains was a beautiful one.  Wild flowers filled the pasture and the weather was perfect, 70F in the day and 50 F at night.  Sometimes when I was home alone, I felt like there was somebody nearby.  There was.  Two mule deer came and napped under the trees for four or five hours every day.  They were so gentle, beautiful  and quiet.  I simply enjoyed their presence.  Since this Sunday is Pentecost,  the Feast of the Holy Spirit, I realized some parallels with my deer friends.
      Since we have the gift of the Holy Spirit, we are never really alone. When we are prompted to good works, despite our ego, that's the Holy Spirit. When we are struck by natural beauty, that's the Holy Spirit.  Just because we don't see the Holy Spirit doesn't me he isn't with us.  When my deer visited, I felt their presence before I saw them.  With the Holy Spirit we doesn't see with our eyes, but we can feel it in our hearts.
     In John 14: 17-18 Jesus speaks of the Holy Spirit, "The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him or knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you."  I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you."    I believe this and yet, I often forget it.   I would like to be quiet and rest in Jesus' assurance like the deer rest in my meadow.  The gifts of salvation and presence are already given.  My part is to be a grateful and attentive recipient.  Peace to you.

 

Summer visitors

The Great Tattoo Artist

     I recently saw a program called "America's Worst Tattoos".  The show was about people with horrible tattoos who hope to cover up or create something beautiful from them.  The featured artists were truly gifted and were able to turn sad ink into beauty.  One artist took a wretched, red merman with unintended breasts and turned him into a gorgeous, bejeweled circus elephant.  The art work was stunning.  This got me thinking about the wonders that God can create even when we present him with a mess.
    Ephesians 2:10 it states,"For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."  We are each given gifts and free will. Even when we squander our gifts, or don't use them at all, God waits patiently to help us craft our highest self.  This is not a rushed God.  We may use our free will even to our great detriment.

Becky's Angel

     When I sit down at the easel, I have a general idea of what I am going to paint.  However, sometimes I change my idea or approach while working.  I love this part of the process.  I enjoy intuitive painting.  When I paint this way, the end product is often better than anything I had planned.   God already holds the pattern of your highest good.  For your learning and growth, the pattern is not revealed at once.  The colors and textures develop slowly.  New color combinations and their complimentary shades evolve over time.  It seems we can't get to the fullest expression of ourselves without the detours and missteps.  But just as the merman underpins the magnificent elephant, so our mistakes underpin our true nature.  It's a journey.  Be gentle with yourself.

Bright Spirit

     

Intersecting Truth: Christianity and Buddhism

     I am the product of a Jesuit education and I took Buddhism as one of my theologies.  I have never been afraid of, or been threatened by, other religions.  If anything, studying other religions has confirmed my belief in a Creator or Great Spirit.  There seems to be something greater than ourselves that, despite cultural differences, we are always trying to explain.  There seems to be a sense that this plane of existence is not all there is.  My recent reading has revealed some commonalities between St Ignatius and Buddhism.
      I am fully aware of the differences in theses religions.  Buddhism does not maintain a belief in a Creator and sees this life as a chance to improve and escape endless reincarnation.  Christianity is anchored by the belief in a Creator, the Savior, the Holy Spirit and life everlasting.  Yet, I see parallels in the areas of  detachment/non-attachment and meditation.
     Buddhism holds four Noble Truths:  1) Life means suffering 2) The origin of suffering is attachment 3) The cessation of suffering is attainable and 4) The path to the cessation of suffering.  Here, I am the most interested in the second truth, attachment.  In Buddhism, one can become attached to possessions, people, even ideas and outcomes. By following the Eightfold path (right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration)  the individual chooses the middle way between excess and asceticism.  He improves himself and is eventually  free from reincarnation.   Though most Christians do not believe in reincarnation,  the spiritual exercises of St Ignatius encourage reflection, realignment and self-improvement.
      St Ignatius also counseled people to be detached.  In his book, The Jesuit Guide to (Almost ) Everything"  Father James Martin describes "disordered affection" as something that  is "not ordered toward something life-giving."   Father Martin further states that Ignatius would encourage detachment to facilitate freedom and happiness.  Father writes that "  if this sounds surprisingly Buddhist, it is: that particular goal has long been a part of many spiritual traditions."  If we do not cling to our own preconceived notions and plans, we are more open to God's will at work in our lives.

     Meditation is a radical notion in our tech savvy, tech saturated world.  Hinduism and Buddhism both acknowledge the importance of quieting the mind and going within.  In fact, yoga is the physical preparation for being able to sit in meditation for extended periods.  The goal of Buddhist meditation is to strip away delusions and attachments.  In turn, Saint Ignatius invites believers to contemplate  the events of Christ's life.  When we are still, we are open to insight and to God's voice.  1 Kings tells us that  Elijah witnessed a powerful wind, an earthquake, and a fire.  But the Lord was in none of these. The Lord came in a still, small voice.  Time in meditation is time spent listening for that very voice. So whatever your path, take time to meditate.  Contemplation imparts peace and reveals priorities.  Be bold and be still.

       
    

Faith is Like a Mustard Seed

The humble mustard seed is indeed small.

     I just finished reading"He Leadeth Me" by Fr. Walter J. Ciszek, SJ;  This book is at once humbling and inspiring.  Father Ciszek details his 23 year tenure as a prisoner in the former Soviet Union.  Most importantly, this book is an honest telling of his interior, spiritual journey.

Calling all angels:   I need support!

     Father Walter spent his first 5 years in the dreaded prison, Lubianka.  In Lubianka, he came face to face  with heart wrenching loneliness.  His description of solitary confinement  is only surpassed by his searing telling of  his own brokenness and final reliance on God alone.   When he realizes that he has been trying to manage his interrogations, he has a breakthrough.  He writes, " God's will was not hidden somewhere "out there" in situations in which I found myself; the situations themselves WERE his will for me.  What he wanted was for me to accept these situations as from his hands, to let go of the reins and place myself entirely at his disposal."   I am awestruck by this realization and the context in which it crystallized.  Father was pushed to the edge and he sought the Heavenly Father.  Can I seriously do less in my life?  I should hope not.
     Father's comments on humility are especially meaningful.  He defines humility as the "realization of one's place before God."  In this light our burdens are the will of God entrusted to us at any given moment.  These words struck me in a deep and timely way.   Mental health issues with my son are not merely burdens set out to break me.  They are challenges that will lead my growth.  Many times I have joked that " God doesn't call the qualified; He qualifies the called."  This is certainly true in my case.
       Christ assures us in Matthew 17:20 "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain 'move from here to there' and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you."  The Lord anticipated our weakness and offers us encouragement.  Perhaps, my problem has not been my burdens.  Maybe it has been self reliance.  Father Ciszek hoped his book would encourage others.  It has.  Thank you, Father.

You can buy mustard seed, but faith requires relinquishing your ideas of how things should be.