Father's Day: What the Heart Can Carry

    It was an unusually cool summer morning in Georgia. The air was not humid and there was even a breeze.  I going to travel from Columbus to Atlanta to spend the weekend with my family, but the phone rang and my world changed.  My Dad had a massive heart attack while playing tennis.  His friends tried to revive him, but he was already gone.  Nine years have passed, but when I think of that morning, I still cry.  Arguments may be temporary, but death is permanent and unyielding.  Whatever your relationship is at the moment of death, that's how it stays.  There is no chance to be compassionate, no chance to be the bigger person and no chance to say, "I love you."   When I reflect on Father's Day, I see three different stages in my relationship to my Dad:  idealistic, critical and compassionate.
     The idealistic phase is probably my favorite.  In the photo below, I am in the beginning of this phase.  My Dad was bigger and stronger than me.  He was funny and made me laugh a lot.  This perception lasted well into grade school.

My hair still looks like this in the morning.

      As I got older, I saw my Dad's flaws.  He drank too much.  He could be selfish and lazy.  As I approached middle school and high school, I lost sight of his  kindness and humor.  I focused only on his inadequacies.  This stage lasted well into adulthood.  I was disappointed.  He was not the father I wanted him to be. 
     In my early forties, I got a tip from one of my sisters.  She said that praying for Dad helped her.  I felt the rightness of this in my heart.  I began praying for him and actively being patient.  Guess what?  These simple steps made a difference. I began to see him with more compassion and less judgement.   The very week before he died, my son and I went out to dinner with Dad.  We had a lovely time and I remember seeing Dad as vulnerable person needing love rather than a disappointing Dad.
    People are imperfect, but their love for us is often perfect and pure.  Our loved ones may not express their love in ways that make sense to us.  They love us as they are.  God loves us even though He knows all about us.  We can at least try to love others despite our own imperfections, and theirs.  It was a long road from idealism to compassion, but the journey was so worthy.  When I was little, my Dad held me safe against his heart.  Today, I carry his goodness and humor in MY heart.