" I am never
coming here again," I informed my husband.
We were visiting relatives for the holidays. I overheard some angry, alcohol infused comments
about our visit. In that moment, I was
full of anger for myself and hurt for my husband. Righteous anger becomes almost delicious; you
are hurt and you feed your anger to keep it alive. Unfortunately, I am an expert on delicious
anger. I managed to maintain my no visit
policy for 5 years. Then something
changed my heart: My love for my son.
 |
| My son makes me want to be a better person |
My attachment to anger kept my son from his
extended family. Proverbs 10:12 states,
"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs." There are no Biblical pronouncements that
encourage nurturing your anger or holding grudges. On the contrary, Christ himself spoke at
length on the topic of loving your enemies.
A recent reading of Luke 6:32
addressed me directly: "If you love
those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who
love them." Ouch! Following Jesus is much easier to chat about
and write about than to carry out. I
agreed to a visit but with some parameters for success.
First, our visit
would be a short 4 days. When we left, folks would still be glad we came. Next, we
would stay with different family this time.
We would be close enough to visit folks, but we could take a break if
needed. Finally, we drove our own car so
we would not impose on anyone and could depart when we liked. With theses parameters in place, we were set
for a successful visit and that is exactly what happened.
When we arrived,
family ran to greet us. They were so
happy to see us. I felt some ice slip
off my heart. My son had long conversations
with his grandfather. He played games
with his favorite cousin. His grandma
cooked for him; he ate like a king. His
uncle told him police stories. I read my
book and made polite conversation. I learned that anger, even justified anger, can
be selfish. I want my son to make family
connections. I want him to know that
none of us is perfect, but that we can love perfectly.
Following God's
will is uncomfortable. It brings me face
to face with parts of myself that I would rather hide. The success of this visit had nothing to do
with my strength and everything to do with my weakness. If His power is made perfect in my weakness,
then my weakness is a welcome gift. I prayed for grace before and during our trip. My prayers were answered ten times over. As I listened to my mother-in-law talk about
reconciliation with her long estranged sister, my heart completely
softened. I was truly glad for
them.
When the New
Testament talks of treasure, it specifically addresses money and worldly
goods. Treasure is also the riches of
your heart. I wanted to nourish my hurt,
harden my heart and not participate in any type of healing. God had other plans. When we were leaving, my mother-in-law said,
" Thank you for coming back." Those
words were a balm to my soul. I am
grateful that my love for my son pulled me out of myself and into a new
space. Now, I could
receive her words and open my heart.
