The hill is a steep one. I turn the corner and consider my options. Despite my Hashimotos Thyroiditis, I had been vigorously exercising and dieting for four months. I got on the scale; I hadn't lost an ounce. Not one ounce. I could feel myself slipping down the familiar, dark path of self loathing. As I trudged along, a second choice crossed my mind. It was bright, based on God's promises and quite radical. Suddenly, something clicked in my heart: If I claimed my place at the table, if I stopped doubting my worth, I could change my perception of the world around me. I would become available for God's plan. The dark, familiar path doubts God's plan for my life; I am done doubting.
For the last nine years I have dealt with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, an autoimmune condition. My time has been consumed with finding the right medicine and dose, changing my diet and my lifestyle. These changes have allowed my hair to grow back, my skin to calm down and my weight to stabilize. My ego has taken some big hits. One doctor told me that "if you lost weight, your husband would love it." Other doctors told me that I "would just gain more and more weight "every year. At times, I have exercised to the point of exhaustion and continued to gain weight. Hashimoto's has been a monkey on my back, a monkey who makes my eyebrows fall out! Since beginning Bible study, I have changed my mind. Instead of resenting my condition, I have re-framed it. Now I think, "What does God want me to learn from this?"
Empathy and compassion are more accessible to me now. I appreciate the gift of rest and the help of others. Instead of focusing on exteriors, I think more deeply about the people and world around me. Psalm 139:14 says that" I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well." Verse 16 elaborates: "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." My study of scripture convinces me that God, who "sees what is done in secret", knows how to refine me. In this way, I will be the best version of myself and able to serve him as he sees fit.
The blows to my ego are little dents. Now, I inhabit a different context. My worth is not determined by my weight on an earthly scale or the opinions of others. My worth is determined by my heavenly Father. "For charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30) Standing on the Rock (Isiah 44:8), I turn my face to the light and claim the place he has saved for me.
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| She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. (Proverbs 31:25) |
Empathy and compassion are more accessible to me now. I appreciate the gift of rest and the help of others. Instead of focusing on exteriors, I think more deeply about the people and world around me. Psalm 139:14 says that" I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well." Verse 16 elaborates: "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." My study of scripture convinces me that God, who "sees what is done in secret", knows how to refine me. In this way, I will be the best version of myself and able to serve him as he sees fit.
The blows to my ego are little dents. Now, I inhabit a different context. My worth is not determined by my weight on an earthly scale or the opinions of others. My worth is determined by my heavenly Father. "For charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30) Standing on the Rock (Isiah 44:8), I turn my face to the light and claim the place he has saved for me.
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