Reclaiming Mary Elizabeth

     I recently read You Are Not Alone: A Sermon On Mary, Elizabeth and Being Given to One Another by Nadia Bolz-Weber. The sermon has many insights but three stood out for me. First, she notes how God provides us companions for the journey. Second, she speaks of our lives as puzzle pieces and states that " the jagged parts of our ourselves are what connects us to each other and God...." However, it was the main characters in her piece, Mary and Elizabeth, that jumped off the page and into my heart.
     I am a cradle Catholic. Attending Catholic school, there were Marys everywhere. If you didn't have Mary as your first name and your parents had a Mary in the family, you were going to have Mary as your second name. My family was overflowing with Marys and a sprinkling of Elizabeths.
There was my mother, Mary Elizabeth, cousin Mary Monica, Adria Mary, Aunt Mary, my Grandmother Elizabeth and finally the best of all combinations, Mary Elizabeth...that would be me.
     As a little girl, I loved the month of May and making a crown for the Blessed Mother statue at school. Growing up, my mother had a gorgeous, old fashioned statue of Mary on her dresser. Mary was radiant and peaceful and with one of her feet she crushed a serpeant. I respected that about her. She was confident and faith-filled and she simply crushed evil without breaking a sweat. What's not to love?

     In my teen years, the name "Mary" lost some of its meaning for me. It seemed old-fashioned. When I introduced myself, people said, "Catholic, right,?" I wanted to have an exotic name. I wanted to be Monique or Chloe. I saw my parents as suffering from a poverty of imagination. I forgot why you give names in the first place. By the time I got to college, I just wanted to be chic and foreign.
     I hadn't thought about my name in years. When I read Ms Bolz Weber's piece, it struck me: My parents named me after two women who walked the walk and talked the talk. They both were asked to walk on faith and they both said "God whatever your plan is, I know it's good." Mary was an unwed mother in a culture that frowned on that. Elizabeth conceived in her old age after years of infertility and social criticism. Not only did they have faith in God, he rewarded them with companionship for their journeys.

     I am named after two strong women who were asked to do God's will without seeing the whole picture. They embodied a quiet, deep faith. If I can emulate their faith, their loyalty and their kindness, I come full circle and reclaim Mary Elizabeth. What seemed old fashioned before, is actually timeless; now I understand.
   
     

Navigating the Dark

       My husband was suffering from an insistent cough; I retreated to the guest room to get some sleep. In the middle of the night, I got up to use the bathroom. Unaccustomed to that part of the house and bleary eyed, I came straight out of the bathroom and found myself in the dark, study. The study is  a minefield of boxes and souvenirs. Words, unlovely words, tumbled from my lips. I ran my hand along the edge of a box and made my way back to the hall.  Six steps and a quick left and I was nestled in the guest bed. All this wandering about in the night got me thinking about how we make our way through the dark moments of our lives.

     Of course, I could have just turned on the light. But to be honest, I was half asleep and it did not occur to me. I found my way out by using landmarks that I knew from seeing the room in the day. All of us experience darkness one way or another. There can be physical, mental, emotional or even spiritual dark nights of the soul. The term "dark night of the soul" is taken from a fifteenth century poem by the Spanish saint, St John of the Cross (Juan de Yepes y Alvarez). In his poem, St John looks at the journey of a soul through difficulty and darkness and finally reuniting with God.(For more information on St John please consult Catholic Online)
     Even when we drive, sail and walk in daylight, we consult a map (or GPS) before we head out. If you are hiking, you might sign in on a log in sheet before heading into the forest. You check the weather before you drive. If it's dark, and you are driving, you want to have functioning headlights. If you are walking, a flashlight is a good idea. Unlike transportation, dark times in our lives sneak up on us. There have been times I have been caught completely flat footed. The right tools helped me navigate the darkness.
     First, you need the right travel companions. Your friends should want you to be the best version of yourself, but they should also love the work in progress. A friend should share your values. I have a friend who stopped calling when my husband lost his job and I have a friend who helped me clean my barn when I sold my house. It has taken me time to learn friendship discernment. Depending on the situation, an ideal travel guide may even be a counselor or doctor.  As Edith Wharton said: There are two ways of spreading light: Be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
     Second, treasure experiences. People are more important than things. This seems an obvious statement, but until my husband lost his job, I just gave it lip service. I like nice things; yet things break and wear out. When you spend time with someone, whether its chatting, walking, dining, crafting, fishing, hunting, you form a memory. You can take that memory out anytime. Sometimes things even get funnier or more dear over time.
     Third and, most importantly, faith. I believe, to quote Father Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, that "We are spiritual beings having a human experience." I do not feel this is my home. I do feel I am passing through on my way to the Light.  Navigating darkness is temporary, but not new. The struggle of light and darkness is reflected in the Bible, the balance of yin and yang symbols and even the movie Star Wars. Darkness is a afoot in our world today and sometimes it frightens me. Perhaps Anne Frank said it best: "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." May you have good companions on the journey and may you know there is Light at the end of the tunnel.

   

Walking Like Peter

     The wind was howling and sheets of rain beat on the house. I sat at the kitchen table and ate my lunch. Then I heard it. A gurgle? A faucet? A leak! Yes indeed, there was water dripping through my living room ceiling. I moved the coffee table and got a bucket. Today the sun is out and repairs are scheduled, but the storm got me thinking about the storms of our lives and how we react to them.
     Matthew 14 recounts a frightening boat ride for Jesus' disciples. Jesus instructed the disciples to go ahead of him to the other side. Evening came and it brought strong wind and waves. The boat drifted further and further from shore. I can imagine the anxious men being buffeted by angry waves and biting wind. Meanwhile Jesus finished teaching and took some time for private prayer. It was not until the fourth watch of the night (between 3 am and 6 am) that Jesus joined them. He walked across the water to them. They were afraid and He counseled them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." (Matthew 14:27)
     The apostles have already had quite an evening, but Peter says, "Lord if it's you tell me to come to you on the water." Jesus tells Peter to come. Peter steps out of the boat and walks on the water...for a moment. The wind frightens Peter and he begins to sink. He cries out to Jesus to save him and Jesus reaches out his hand and catches him. Here, Jesus speaks to Peter and to us. He says, "You of little faith. Why did you doubt?"

Our Refuge and Our Strength by Morgan Weistling

     I think Peter doubted because he focused on what he could do alone and not what he could do when aligned with God. This resonates with me in a very direct and personal way. Beginning in January, a friend and I will be co-presenting seminars on Soul Abundance. I will lead discussions on the soul, unconditional love, forgiveness and bringing holiness and light to everday life. I will tie some of my spiritual blogs to the physical expressions and metaphors of Sheng Zhen meditation. Sheng Zhen meditation is grounded in the concept of unconditional love.
     The world around us is broken, and often violent. I believe that if people are more aware of their soul, they can work from their highest self. Soul work belongs to all people, and all religions, because we are all sons and daughters of the One. In my heart, I feel that I am being called to get out of the boat and to stand up for the unseen soul. Outside of my comfort zone, things could get choppy. Some people won't like my ideas. Self doubt tells me to sit down and be silent.
     My soul reminds me that " the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid."  (Deuteronomy 31:8) Peter had enough faith to step out on to the water. Sure, he doubted, and he sank, but he learned that he was never alone. It's time to step out of the boat.
     

Making A Better Bell

     The molten metal is stirred with a long paddle to remove air bubbles and is poured into a waiting mold.  As they go about their duties, the bell workers are encircled by parishioners  who pray with and for them. It reminded me of  praying for babies when they are baptized and for religious workers as they go out into the world.

      Bells are used by many religions to call the faithful to prayer. There are families of traditional bell makers in Europe that maintain libraries of decorative molds that have embellished holy bells for hundreds of years. I recently watched a documentary on bell making and I was fascinated by the parallels between bell making and the human spiritual journey.
     Bells have different tones depending on where they are struck and their composition. The same can be said of people. What you fill yourself with, and what happens to you, impacts the way you handle things. Bells have different tones and people have unique voices and gifts.
      If we are to be vessels of love and light, we need to be concerned about our tone. "If I speak in the tongues of men, and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or clanging cymbal." (1 Corinthians 13:1) The Psalms tell me that if I wait patiently for the Lord, he will hear my cry, lift me from the pit and put a new song in my mouth. (Psalm 40:1-3). Perhaps waiting patiently is not as passive as it sounds?
     The Bible encourages us to pray, to not grow weary of doing good, be quick to listen and slow to speak and to judge not. This abreviated list may be complemented by spending time in thought provoking reading, scripture study and quiet. I can alter my composition by altering my habits, my media consumption and even how I spend my time. Some times I feel like an old, clunky cow bell. If I am more clear spiritually, God's love can be move through me more easily and beautifully. I accept the challenge.

The Sparrow

      It was as if an unseen hand refilled the decanter. The four friends had enjoyed warming snifters and were making their goodbyes. When Professor Wutheridge turned to see his friends to the door, Dudley gestured over the bottle and the brandy resumed its original level. The Professor notices but shrugs it off to strong drink and old age. This is a scene from the 1947 film, "The Bishop's Wife," starring David Niven, Carey Grant, Loretta Young and Monty Wooley, as the professor. If we believe that blessing is bestowed and that we are cared for by a loving God, then many things that cross our paths are not merely accidents, but instead, providence. "For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on his afflicted one. " (Isiah 49:13) What are the "brandy bottles" or refills that I've missed lately?

     I have recently moved from Utah to Texas. This is stressful. I have done most of the move and driving with my 18 year old; this is more stressful. Despite the over 24 moves I have done in my lifetime, I will say this: This was the best one yet. The circumstances were challenging, but my perspective was different. Before I even set out for Texas, I prayed. When my son argued or groused, I prayed. I was comforted by Deuteronomy 31:8 " The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; Do not be discouraged." I thought if the Lord says he is going to Texas before me, who am I to question? I started thanking him instead.
     Moving is expensive. I currently own a house and rent a house. This could fray my nerves for sure, but then I reflected on the events of the last few months. We had hoped our street would be paved for almost five years. Local politics gave way to a miracle because the day my packers came so did the road crew! I needed the fire department to come and chip a massive wood pile. The crew and chipper arrived the same day as my moving truck. The money that I saved by doing some of the packing was the exact amount that I needed for expenses in the new house. I can testify that "He is faithful in all he does. " (Psalm 33:4)
     When I look around at the world, I think God has significant issues to deal with: war, hatred, cruelty, starvation. The issues of a moving, middle aged woman seem quite insignificant. However, the One who is the Alpha and Omega is not limited or exhausted like human beings. Matthew 10:29-31 reminds me :  "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs on your head are numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows".  I'll do what is before me, and as I do, I am confident that he has plans for me. I WILL find a job and walk the path he has prepared for me. 

Saving My Place

     The hill is a steep one. I turn the corner and consider my options. Despite my Hashimotos Thyroiditis, I had been vigorously exercising and dieting for four months. I got on the scale; I hadn't lost an ounce. Not one ounce. I could feel myself slipping down the familiar, dark path of self loathing. As I trudged along, a second choice crossed my mind. It was bright, based on God's promises and quite radical. Suddenly, something clicked in my heart: If I claimed my place at the table, if I stopped doubting my worth, I could change my perception of the world around me.  I would become available for God's plan. The dark, familiar path doubts God's plan for my life; I am done doubting.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. (Proverbs 31:25)

     For the last nine years I have dealt with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, an autoimmune condition. My time has been consumed with finding the right medicine and dose, changing my diet and my lifestyle. These changes have allowed my hair to grow back, my skin to calm down and my weight to stabilize. My ego has taken some big hits.  One doctor told me that "if you lost weight, your husband would love it." Other doctors told me that I "would just gain more and more weight "every year.  At times, I have exercised to the point of exhaustion and continued to gain weight. Hashimoto's has been a monkey on my back, a monkey who makes my eyebrows fall out! Since beginning Bible study, I have changed my mind. Instead of resenting my condition, I have re-framed it. Now I think, "What does God want me to learn from this?"
     Empathy and compassion are more accessible to me now. I appreciate the gift of rest and the help of others. Instead of focusing on exteriors, I think more deeply about the people and world around me. Psalm 139:14 says that" I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well." Verse 16 elaborates: "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." My study of scripture convinces me that God, who "sees what is done in secret", knows how to refine me. In this way, I will be the best version of myself and able to serve him as he sees fit.
     The blows to my ego are little dents. Now, I inhabit a different context.  My worth is not determined by my weight on an earthly scale or the opinions of others. My worth is determined by my heavenly Father.  "For charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)  Standing on the Rock (Isiah 44:8), I turn my face to the light and claim the place he has saved for me.

Heart Work

     I have three mansions. You couldn't tell it by looking at me. I am a very average woman of a certain age. I don't have servants and I do all the cooking and cleaning myself. The structure and decor of these mansions varies widely.  John 14:2 (King James version) mentions mansions: "In my father's house there are many mansions; if  not, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." NIV renders "mansions" as rooms while other versions use abodes or even houses. I prefer the word mansion for the grandeur conveyed by " a large stately house." My earthly mansions are really spirit houses. They are the Catholic Church, The Evangelical Free Church and my own heart.
     The Catholic Church is the Church of my childhood. It is filled with the encouraging lives of the saints who have gone before us. It is brimming with incense, icons and a profound reverence for Christ. Candles remind me of Him who is the way, the truth and the Light. (John 14:6)  The Mass is centered around the Eucharist. I enter the Catholic church to refresh my connection with the sacred.

     The Evangelical Free Church is simple in its decor but rich in its Biblical teaching. The sanctuary chairs face a huge floor to ceiling window that looks out on the snow-capped mountains. The beams come together at the front to create a cross in the center of the window. The preaching focuses on the practical application of Biblical principles; I need this to fashion my heart as a proper dwelling place for the Spirit. In Bible study, I am surrounded by women who want to study the Word and let it thrive in their hearts. This encourages and strengthens me. I treasure the ability to delve into the Word and make it my own. This has encouraged me to see my relationship with God as both communal and deeply personal.
     My heart space is my final mansion. Matthew 6:5 says: "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." In it's best form, this space is light filled and spacious. Beautiful music and art bring me here immediately. Meditation brings me here on purpose. Sometimes I show up with a shopping bag full of things I want to return: resentment, anger, jealousy and even fear. When I meet my Father in this place,  I take my items out of my bag. I place them on the table and turn them over. Assured in the knowledge that I am a loved daughter, I can admit my flaws and gain the courage to work from the highest version of myself.
     Some commentators maintain that ornate houses await believers. Others believe that Jesus speaks of mansions and dwellings to stress the inclusiveness of heaven. If heaven is inclusive and welcoming, the divided worship of earth may be outmoded. Could the heart space be the common abode of heaven and earth? The heart is not bound by geography or time.
     Matthew 6:20-21 reads: "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  In John 15 Jesus says"This is my command: Love each other as I have loved you." The command is simple, radical and demanding. The Lord did not say hoard as many earthly possessions as possible and think of yourself first. No, he commanded that we begin with our own heart and work outward.