Walking Like Peter

     The wind was howling and sheets of rain beat on the house. I sat at the kitchen table and ate my lunch. Then I heard it. A gurgle? A faucet? A leak! Yes indeed, there was water dripping through my living room ceiling. I moved the coffee table and got a bucket. Today the sun is out and repairs are scheduled, but the storm got me thinking about the storms of our lives and how we react to them.
     Matthew 14 recounts a frightening boat ride for Jesus' disciples. Jesus instructed the disciples to go ahead of him to the other side. Evening came and it brought strong wind and waves. The boat drifted further and further from shore. I can imagine the anxious men being buffeted by angry waves and biting wind. Meanwhile Jesus finished teaching and took some time for private prayer. It was not until the fourth watch of the night (between 3 am and 6 am) that Jesus joined them. He walked across the water to them. They were afraid and He counseled them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." (Matthew 14:27)
     The apostles have already had quite an evening, but Peter says, "Lord if it's you tell me to come to you on the water." Jesus tells Peter to come. Peter steps out of the boat and walks on the water...for a moment. The wind frightens Peter and he begins to sink. He cries out to Jesus to save him and Jesus reaches out his hand and catches him. Here, Jesus speaks to Peter and to us. He says, "You of little faith. Why did you doubt?"

Our Refuge and Our Strength by Morgan Weistling

     I think Peter doubted because he focused on what he could do alone and not what he could do when aligned with God. This resonates with me in a very direct and personal way. Beginning in January, a friend and I will be co-presenting seminars on Soul Abundance. I will lead discussions on the soul, unconditional love, forgiveness and bringing holiness and light to everday life. I will tie some of my spiritual blogs to the physical expressions and metaphors of Sheng Zhen meditation. Sheng Zhen meditation is grounded in the concept of unconditional love.
     The world around us is broken, and often violent. I believe that if people are more aware of their soul, they can work from their highest self. Soul work belongs to all people, and all religions, because we are all sons and daughters of the One. In my heart, I feel that I am being called to get out of the boat and to stand up for the unseen soul. Outside of my comfort zone, things could get choppy. Some people won't like my ideas. Self doubt tells me to sit down and be silent.
     My soul reminds me that " the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid."  (Deuteronomy 31:8) Peter had enough faith to step out on to the water. Sure, he doubted, and he sank, but he learned that he was never alone. It's time to step out of the boat.
     

Making A Better Bell

     The molten metal is stirred with a long paddle to remove air bubbles and is poured into a waiting mold.  As they go about their duties, the bell workers are encircled by parishioners  who pray with and for them. It reminded me of  praying for babies when they are baptized and for religious workers as they go out into the world.

      Bells are used by many religions to call the faithful to prayer. There are families of traditional bell makers in Europe that maintain libraries of decorative molds that have embellished holy bells for hundreds of years. I recently watched a documentary on bell making and I was fascinated by the parallels between bell making and the human spiritual journey.
     Bells have different tones depending on where they are struck and their composition. The same can be said of people. What you fill yourself with, and what happens to you, impacts the way you handle things. Bells have different tones and people have unique voices and gifts.
      If we are to be vessels of love and light, we need to be concerned about our tone. "If I speak in the tongues of men, and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or clanging cymbal." (1 Corinthians 13:1) The Psalms tell me that if I wait patiently for the Lord, he will hear my cry, lift me from the pit and put a new song in my mouth. (Psalm 40:1-3). Perhaps waiting patiently is not as passive as it sounds?
     The Bible encourages us to pray, to not grow weary of doing good, be quick to listen and slow to speak and to judge not. This abreviated list may be complemented by spending time in thought provoking reading, scripture study and quiet. I can alter my composition by altering my habits, my media consumption and even how I spend my time. Some times I feel like an old, clunky cow bell. If I am more clear spiritually, God's love can be move through me more easily and beautifully. I accept the challenge.

The Sparrow

      It was as if an unseen hand refilled the decanter. The four friends had enjoyed warming snifters and were making their goodbyes. When Professor Wutheridge turned to see his friends to the door, Dudley gestured over the bottle and the brandy resumed its original level. The Professor notices but shrugs it off to strong drink and old age. This is a scene from the 1947 film, "The Bishop's Wife," starring David Niven, Carey Grant, Loretta Young and Monty Wooley, as the professor. If we believe that blessing is bestowed and that we are cared for by a loving God, then many things that cross our paths are not merely accidents, but instead, providence. "For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on his afflicted one. " (Isiah 49:13) What are the "brandy bottles" or refills that I've missed lately?

     I have recently moved from Utah to Texas. This is stressful. I have done most of the move and driving with my 18 year old; this is more stressful. Despite the over 24 moves I have done in my lifetime, I will say this: This was the best one yet. The circumstances were challenging, but my perspective was different. Before I even set out for Texas, I prayed. When my son argued or groused, I prayed. I was comforted by Deuteronomy 31:8 " The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; Do not be discouraged." I thought if the Lord says he is going to Texas before me, who am I to question? I started thanking him instead.
     Moving is expensive. I currently own a house and rent a house. This could fray my nerves for sure, but then I reflected on the events of the last few months. We had hoped our street would be paved for almost five years. Local politics gave way to a miracle because the day my packers came so did the road crew! I needed the fire department to come and chip a massive wood pile. The crew and chipper arrived the same day as my moving truck. The money that I saved by doing some of the packing was the exact amount that I needed for expenses in the new house. I can testify that "He is faithful in all he does. " (Psalm 33:4)
     When I look around at the world, I think God has significant issues to deal with: war, hatred, cruelty, starvation. The issues of a moving, middle aged woman seem quite insignificant. However, the One who is the Alpha and Omega is not limited or exhausted like human beings. Matthew 10:29-31 reminds me :  "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs on your head are numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows".  I'll do what is before me, and as I do, I am confident that he has plans for me. I WILL find a job and walk the path he has prepared for me. 

Saving My Place

     The hill is a steep one. I turn the corner and consider my options. Despite my Hashimotos Thyroiditis, I had been vigorously exercising and dieting for four months. I got on the scale; I hadn't lost an ounce. Not one ounce. I could feel myself slipping down the familiar, dark path of self loathing. As I trudged along, a second choice crossed my mind. It was bright, based on God's promises and quite radical. Suddenly, something clicked in my heart: If I claimed my place at the table, if I stopped doubting my worth, I could change my perception of the world around me.  I would become available for God's plan. The dark, familiar path doubts God's plan for my life; I am done doubting.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. (Proverbs 31:25)

     For the last nine years I have dealt with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, an autoimmune condition. My time has been consumed with finding the right medicine and dose, changing my diet and my lifestyle. These changes have allowed my hair to grow back, my skin to calm down and my weight to stabilize. My ego has taken some big hits.  One doctor told me that "if you lost weight, your husband would love it." Other doctors told me that I "would just gain more and more weight "every year.  At times, I have exercised to the point of exhaustion and continued to gain weight. Hashimoto's has been a monkey on my back, a monkey who makes my eyebrows fall out! Since beginning Bible study, I have changed my mind. Instead of resenting my condition, I have re-framed it. Now I think, "What does God want me to learn from this?"
     Empathy and compassion are more accessible to me now. I appreciate the gift of rest and the help of others. Instead of focusing on exteriors, I think more deeply about the people and world around me. Psalm 139:14 says that" I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well." Verse 16 elaborates: "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." My study of scripture convinces me that God, who "sees what is done in secret", knows how to refine me. In this way, I will be the best version of myself and able to serve him as he sees fit.
     The blows to my ego are little dents. Now, I inhabit a different context.  My worth is not determined by my weight on an earthly scale or the opinions of others. My worth is determined by my heavenly Father.  "For charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)  Standing on the Rock (Isiah 44:8), I turn my face to the light and claim the place he has saved for me.

Heart Work

     I have three mansions. You couldn't tell it by looking at me. I am a very average woman of a certain age. I don't have servants and I do all the cooking and cleaning myself. The structure and decor of these mansions varies widely.  John 14:2 (King James version) mentions mansions: "In my father's house there are many mansions; if  not, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." NIV renders "mansions" as rooms while other versions use abodes or even houses. I prefer the word mansion for the grandeur conveyed by " a large stately house." My earthly mansions are really spirit houses. They are the Catholic Church, The Evangelical Free Church and my own heart.
     The Catholic Church is the Church of my childhood. It is filled with the encouraging lives of the saints who have gone before us. It is brimming with incense, icons and a profound reverence for Christ. Candles remind me of Him who is the way, the truth and the Light. (John 14:6)  The Mass is centered around the Eucharist. I enter the Catholic church to refresh my connection with the sacred.

     The Evangelical Free Church is simple in its decor but rich in its Biblical teaching. The sanctuary chairs face a huge floor to ceiling window that looks out on the snow-capped mountains. The beams come together at the front to create a cross in the center of the window. The preaching focuses on the practical application of Biblical principles; I need this to fashion my heart as a proper dwelling place for the Spirit. In Bible study, I am surrounded by women who want to study the Word and let it thrive in their hearts. This encourages and strengthens me. I treasure the ability to delve into the Word and make it my own. This has encouraged me to see my relationship with God as both communal and deeply personal.
     My heart space is my final mansion. Matthew 6:5 says: "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." In it's best form, this space is light filled and spacious. Beautiful music and art bring me here immediately. Meditation brings me here on purpose. Sometimes I show up with a shopping bag full of things I want to return: resentment, anger, jealousy and even fear. When I meet my Father in this place,  I take my items out of my bag. I place them on the table and turn them over. Assured in the knowledge that I am a loved daughter, I can admit my flaws and gain the courage to work from the highest version of myself.
     Some commentators maintain that ornate houses await believers. Others believe that Jesus speaks of mansions and dwellings to stress the inclusiveness of heaven. If heaven is inclusive and welcoming, the divided worship of earth may be outmoded. Could the heart space be the common abode of heaven and earth? The heart is not bound by geography or time.
     Matthew 6:20-21 reads: "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  In John 15 Jesus says"This is my command: Love each other as I have loved you." The command is simple, radical and demanding. The Lord did not say hoard as many earthly possessions as possible and think of yourself first. No, he commanded that we begin with our own heart and work outward.

My Very Best Loan

    I stacked the envelopes together. I pressed down on all the stamps, hoping they would somehow stick better. Doing this made the event more tangible. My baby, the same one who had trouble breathing at birth, was graduating from high school. The same woman who vowed not to have children became a stay at home mom. How did we find ourselves at this crossroads? It all started with a loan.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Lao Tzu

For we are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)

     My son was born in the middle of an incredible thunderstorm. He had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and spent two weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. The hospital lost power that first night. I knew that his respirator had a back up unit, so I sat in my dark room and thought. Why would a loving God have me carry a baby for nine months and let this happen? Looking out the window, I cried out all my tears. In the quiet night, I prayed fervently and got an answer.  At three in the morning, I prayed again, "Lord, I understand that this child is on loan from you. If I could have him for just a little while, I will do my very best." Thanks to many prayers, and expert medical care, he improved and came home.
     I fell short often. As a military wife, I was often a single parent. I got tired. I got cranky. I got on my knees. There were household moves, medical problems and developmental issues. However, God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called. (author unknown). I found that all my pre-mothering life experience prepared me to be the best mother for this particular child.
      Ephesians 1:11 reminds me that "In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will." Psalm 121 states it well, "My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." I can unequivocally say that I have either known what to do or been provided the answer in God's time.  Medical issue? I am a registered nurse. Another move? I am easily amused so why not? The developmental challenges that come with parenthood have been my most challenging. I have screamed into a pillow, exercised until exhausted, prayed unceasingly and taken refuge in friendship. It has NOT been easy, but it IS worthy of my very best effort.
     Let me be clear: I am an ordinary woman, but I serve an extraordinary God. Much like the Blues Brothers, I feel that each of us is "on a mission from God." The talents I have brought to this endeavor are also on loan from God. I have been able to use these gifts to make a significant impact on a sweet soul. God has simultaneously used my efforts to buff out rough places in my own soul.
     Erma Bombeck sums up my thoughts,"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say 'I used everything you gave me.' Before motherhood, I loved in a very superficial way. Now I have an inkling of how God loves me. I am astounded, profoundly humbled and ready for the next season of growth.

Turning Tables

     The room was buzzing with conversation. The meeting was about to start. Where to sit? So many tables and most of them full. There was a table for ten on the on the right side and there was just one woman there. Plenty of room! I hurried over. "Do you mind if I sit here?" I asked. "I don't know if there's room" she replied. I laughed out loud, plopped myself down and met one of my dearest friends. The table, that sometimes utilitarian, sometimes fanciful piece of furniture, is a gathering space for eating, talking, listening and connecting. For Christians, it can be a tangible reminder to be inclusive.

We can always add a chair.

Some tables are fancy

There all kinds of tables, even mushroom tables.

     Both the Old and New Testaments mention the table. There are the decadent banquets of Babylon in the book of Daniel. Psalm 23:5 declares: "You prepare a table before my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." New Testament scenes include Jesus eating and conversing with tax collectors and reclining with his disciples at the Last Supper. He encouraged his followers saying "when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled,the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."(Luke 14:13-14)

The Last Supper by Salvador Dali

     In stark contrast to Jesus, Louis XIV hosted a Grand Supper each evening. He singled out nobles and honored them by inviting them to sit with him and watch him eat. These hungry nobles were not interested in dining. Their privileged seats gave them access to patronage and power. Jesus does not give access to a select few. Throughout the Gospel, Jesus admonished his followers on the dangers of hierarchy and pride. The parable of  the vineyard makes this point. Those who come to work later are paid the same wage as the early workers. The early workers are disgruntled; the landowner replies, " Are you envious because I am generous? So the last will be first and the first will be last." (Matthew 20:15-16)  If Jesus is a our King, and he is a King of reversal, what does this mean for how we live our lives?

Hungry nobles loved to watch him eat, just so they could be near power

     Imagine the lunchroom of your elementary school days. Visualize the cliques of your high school days. Call to mind the single people in your church or neighborhood. Think about the new neighbor or colleague. There have been times when I really needed a seat. There have been times when I failed to offer a seat and times when I gladly gave one. Sometimes it might be an actual chair, other times it might be a kind word or gesture. It is the inclusion that counts. Luke 6:38 reads,"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Jesus' message is love. When we reach out to others, we align ourselves with our highest calling. We turn the tables on human nature and imitate Christ.
   
     

Even A Grinch Can Build A Wall

    The quote was on my sister's fridge. It said, " I am doing a great work and I can't come down." --Nehemiah. The quote referred to an Andy Stanley sermon entitled "This One Thing." Nehemiah was rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem and there were those who actively opposed him. They tried to trick him into stopping his project and coming down off the wall. Andy Stanley pointed out that we all have projects that we've been assigned. They differ, but our resolve and who we serve remain the same. My sister was deeply touched by the message. I thought it was interesting, but it didn't resonant with me...until this week.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for life.

     My son is a high school senior. It is a transition year for both of us. He turned 18 so he began going to the doctor on his own and making more of his own decisions. Of course, there is the elephant in the room, we are waiting to hear from colleges. I have spent the last 6 months learning to hold my tongue and watching him do things his own way. I have used my health care knowledge to advocate for him in medical crises, gotten math tutors, encouraged him to make friends and corrected him when he needed it. I have been building my wall all along.
     There have been missed opportunities and projects. At times, I questioned my lack of status and earning potential. My ego has screamed for attention. Despite my doubts, I have been amazed at the priceless revelations that have fallen into my lap.
     I have questioned the Great Architect many times. Surely, I am not qualified for this work? Surely someone else would do a better job? The answer has been the same, consistent one: "This is your job and it will make you into the woman you were meant to be." It has done just that. Being a mother has made me a more humble and compassionate person. It allowed me to truly love without any guarantee of reciprocity. When my son was born, I had my own Christmas revelation. Like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day; I am forever grateful and humbled.

Daniel's Shoes

     I stepped out of the van. I helped my 4 year old son and his precious cargo, a backpack brimming with  Legos, down the stairs.  We proceeded to the rental car counter. The clerk looked at me. " You look like you belong in a luxury BMW,"  he smiled.  I stood comfortably in my hiking boots and laughed, "No thanks, just give me the economy sedan that I reserved".

     The world will try to tell you who you are, good and bad, based on exteriors, economics and even fads. The story is not a new one.  In the Old Testament, The Book of Daniel tells the story of four young men who were plopped down in the middle of decadent Babylon. Their names are changed, rich foods are offered and a cultural re-education begins. Their situation is really no different than that of believers today. Like Daniel, we can maintain our stability if we do one thing:  Take off our shoes and stand on our own two feet.

     When I was a young woman working in Washington DC, I wore the same pair of black flats to my daytime office job and my nighttime waitress gig. The right sole had a hole. I took them to a cobbler on my lunch hour. He made them as good as new, polished them to an incredible luster and would not take my money.  I was touched and embarrassed by his kindness. In hindsight, I know he was respecting the fact that I was obviously always on my feet and working. He saw me when I took off my shoes.

     The English language is rife with shoe axioms:  Walk a mile in his shoes; If the shoe fits, wear it; Shoes make the man. There are flip flops that cost a few dollars and high heels  that cost thousands.  There are beautiful shoes that are truly works of art and shoes that keep our feet warm and dry.  I like shoes and I need them, but they need to be put in their place.  When we take off our shoes, we see our feet, those amazing, complex parts that give us balance and carry us through our lives. 

     Feet are similar to our private selves while shoes are like our public faces. We can wear elegant shoes and have crazy,bunion- topped feet  or even beautiful, smooth princess feet. We can act gracious in public, yet have a mean streak a mile wide or a wide open heart.  Oftentimes, others are unaware of our true heart, but God knows every dark crevice. Psalm 40 says," He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." This metaphor highlights God's faithfulness.  Even with our faults, we have an identity:   We are sons and daughters of God.  We can live well in Babylon if we stand on faith. We know that this world is not our permanent home.

     Although modern society offers many good and beautiful things, sometimes it prefers appearance over substance.  Believers must make their own choices. There are infinite, creative ways to remember and reflect our true identities. I can turn off the cruelty of reality television. I can buy a homeless person a meal instead of walking by them. Instead of hoarding my good fortune, I can act from a place of gratitude and share what I have been given.  I CAN walk in Daniel's shoes.