The World Needs More Jedi

     We recently had a long, and frank, discussion with our son about our expectations.  The details that preceded this chat are unimportant.  Suffice it to say, we believed he could do better.  We were making good progress but then we had a breakthrough.  We told him, "You are a Jedi."

     We do NOT expect perfection.  We DO expect reflection and improvement.  We expect that he will stick up for those who are teased or harassed.  We expect his best effort. We expect him to hold himself to a higher standard.  

     There is light and dark in this world. To pretend otherwise is to be naive.  I don't care if my son is rich in a worldly sense.  I want him to have integrity and to encourage it in others.  I am not saying that the Jedi's way is easy. I am saying that it's right. 

     If it were easy to do the right thing, people would be doing it constantly.  Know that the Divine exists and make a conscious choice to follow it.  Use your powers for good.

Open Window

    Things in my universe have shifted.  Part of this is due to divine providence and part is due to me simply paying attention.  There's an old adage about a man who is stranded on his roof in the midst of a flood.  He prays to the Lord for help.  A series of rescuers comes by.  The man rejects all of their offers.  The water overcomes him and he finds himself face to face with St Peter.  He asks, " Why didn't the Lord save me?"  St Peter replies " He sent you a boat and a helicopter, what else could He do?"
    Sometimes we need eyes to see that the opportunity is right in front us.  We may need to ask for the grace to receive it.  I have been running around like a crazed gerbil, applying for jobs that I could do, but was not really qualified for. I have also applied for jobs I knew I would hate.  The mere thought of some of these jobs gave me insomnia.
      Then I had a revelation:  What would I do for free?  I already do it; I write.  I had a long, tearful conversation with my husband.  He said he wants me to be happy.  He also said he gets angry sometimes because he wants more for me than I seem to want for myself.  Is this a great time to branch out and try something fresh?  Risk is never cozy.  Now is as good a time as any.   So I bought a laptop, applied for some freelance projects and officially call myself a writer.  I have always written, but now it's official, and my heart is SO light.  Energetically, if you do what you love,  the universe supports you.  This doesn't mean everything will be easy.  It does mean you will be moving in the right direction.  I'm walking on faith and it feels wonderful.  His grace is sufficient unto me.

     

Homemaker: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

     For the last thirteen years I have been a stay at home mom.  It's nothing I set out to do. It even surprises me.  When my husband was in the military he deployed constantly.  It seemed sensible that one of us should stay home and give our son consistency and security,  and so I did.  I was able to help him a great deal.  When he had trouble learning to spell, I took cookie sheets and had him make the words out of goldfish crackers.  I made up spelling word games. I taught him anatomy from my nursing books.  I took him to visit farms and we took long nature walks.  Most importantly, whenever Dad was deployed, I was able to offer a tangible anchor, a steady presence.
     My time at home allowed me to delve  into self actualization.  I became a decent painter and gifted photographer.  I had the time to take care of  recuperating friends and family.  I was able to volunteer in myriad capacities.  I grew accustomed to scheduling my own time.
      Now, here's the bad.  My husband lost his job.  So after 13 years of staying home, I am looking for a job.  My resume looks like Swiss cheese. I  know that my years as a military spouse have made me resourceful, determined and a dedicated multi tasker.  I have raised a compassionate, intelligent and empathetic young man who is an independent thinker.  I am sure the Almighty will say "well done, good and faithful servant,"  but no one else cares. They don't.  I have contributed to society.  I have made an indelible contribution that will out last my paltry life, but in the short term, it doesn't matter.
       This brings me to the ugly.  I am left feeling like I totally misjudged my situation.  I thought I was doing a good thing and it has slapped me right in the face.  I should never have stopped working totally.  I could have at least worked part time.  However, it's too late for any of  that.  It is, what it is.  I have a smattering of experience in two very divergent areas, medicine and editing. In this economy no one wants to see that kind of resume.  I feel like going outside to the field behind my house and screaming loud, satisfying expletives.  ( I am thinking them as I write this).      To add insult to injury, I can't sleep. I fall asleep for a few hours and then I am wide awake.  You would think that all this awake time would allow me to come up with solutions; it has not.
     I am normally a positive person, but I have nothing left.  It reminds me of the X-files episode where Sculley says the following about God, " What if we're talking, but there's nobody listening?"