The Angry Mailman

     I got yelled at by the mailman.  My son's bus stop is a mile and a half from the house, and I  pick him up in winter.  Our mailboxes are centrally located at the bus stop.  I was early, so I asked the mailman if there was mail for 320.  Lord have mercy!  He came close to blowing an artery.  "I wish people would understand that it's Christmas and I have so many packages and mail.  I can't just look for a certain address...." he stammered.   I said, "Listen don't be angry, I'm not in a hurry.   I'll drive down later, no problem." 

      He puffed off to the little mail hut and I sat in the car waiting for my child.  My point is this:  You never know what someone is going through.  This holiday season, I'm going to try to be patient with those who are frazzled, especially those in customer service jobs.  Sure, I was taken aback by the mailman's response.  But after a moment, I understood.  I was probably the 10th bus stop parent who asked about the mail...oops!  May your holiday season be full of compassion, mercy and peace.

Reflections on The Saints

     When I was a little girl, I liked to read about the lives of the saints.  In the Catholic church, saints are seen, not as supernatural beings, but as ordinary people who struggled to live according to God's will.  By God's grace they were able to serve and understand more than others.  They are not to be worshiped themselves, but they can be seen as intermediaries and mentors when we pray or struggle.
     Many vocations have more than one patron saint.  As a painter, I appreciate the lives and understanding of St Luke and St Catharine of Bologna.  As a mother, I find strength and encouragement in the life of St Monica.  She was dealt a challenging family that included the now famous St. Augustine.  As American catholic.org notes, our modern life looks for immediate answers and solutions.  Monica did exactly the opposite; she trusted the Lord and prayed unceasingly for her family. In the end, her husband and mother-in-law accepted God and her son became a revered theologian and follower of Christ.
     St Francis is another favorite of mine.  I admire him because he loved all of God's creatures.  Francis said, " Not to hurt our humble brethren is our first duty to them, but to stop there is not enough.  We have a higher mission-to be of service to them wherever they require it." Regarding spiritual life he stated, "Preach the gospel at all times, use words if necessary."  Such a practical, functional approach to spirituality is refreshing.
      It is encouraging to read the stories of those who have gone before us.  If you are looking for a good  book on saints pick up "My Life With the Saints" by James Martin, SJ.  It is a highly readable and personal look at the influence of saints on one man's life and vocation.  We are not the first to make this journey. We are not alone when we stumble and fall. We are NOT exempt from the journey, but we can do a little research.  We can make our journey just a little more mindful.  Safe travels.

St Luke

St Nicholas

Cobblers and Collages

     Photos, magazine clippings, ribbon, buttons, shells, ticket stubs, dried flowers...these can all be key pieces in a collage.  Your life is no different.  When I reflect on my life up until now, I can see how the person I am today has been cobbled together by the places I've been, the experiences I've weathered, my accomplishments and the people that I've met.

    There are people, often strangers, that stand out.  When I was in my early twenties, I worked as a secretary during the day and a waitress at night.  I had a pair of black flats that I wore to both jobs.  I took them to an old world, Italian cobbler near my day job.  I had worn holes in the soles and they hurt my feet.  When I went to pick up the shoes, they looked like new! They were re-soled, seamlessly patched and shined.  The cobbler would not accept payment from me.  At the time, I was embarrassed  but in hindsight I see what he saw:  A girl working two jobs with very little money.  The shoes were a gift, and a fine one.  I have thought about him over the years and I have tried to be more like him.

   I struggled financially in my twenties.  There were times that I was hungry.  Two friends from college repeatedly cooked for me.  They taught me the simplicity and strength of hospitality.  They made me a better person and I am forever change by their love. 

     Once, long ago, I arrived in Taiwan late at night.  As soon as I left the terminal I was surrounded by lots of taxi drivers; it was overwhelming.  A Chinese woman walked up and yelled at them.  She insisted, in English, on sharing a cab with me to my hotel and then continuing to her destination.  Her kindness was not required but so appreciated.  She taught me that kindness is never wasted.

     My collage is not solely gentle, touching moments.  The tough times and difficult people have taught me even more than the seamless times and gentle folks.  Fresh out of college with a fancy degree and lots of debt, I worked as a waitress.  I learned all about hard work and how human beings treat each other, good and bad.  I remember vulgar, belittling language, long hours and people walking out without paying.  When people walked out, it came out of my check.  These experiences reminded me that none of us is above the other and that honest work is just that, honest.  To this day, unless the service is non-existent, I tip 20%.  Restaurant work is grueling work.

        A collage is a balance of color, shape and theme.  I used to look back on confrontations and mistakes with shame.  Now I see these diverse elements as the texture of a whole life.   In Corinthians 2:8 Christ says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  If I could rely solely on my own powers, would I ever lift my gaze heavenward? I can't say.  I do know that I have learned from both kindness and difficulty.  I am not privy to the whole picture.  However, if I take the time to consider the pieces of my life and align myself with His will, God will fashion a more breathtaking picture than I could ever imagine.   As Paul notes in Corinthians 5:7 "We walk by faith, not by sight."  May you have a meaningful, well lit walk.  

Working From Your Core

     As I sank into chair pose, the instructor reminded us to engage the core.  In truth, the core should often be engaged to support the back and keep you balanced.  Engaging the core is a metaphor for living your life.  If you are not clear on what you believe, or serve, how can you live a productive, considered life?  Baseball great Yogi Berra said, " If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else."
     So how do you decide your direction and destination?  A thoughtful upbringing is helpful.  Proverbs 22:6 states:  "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."   While this quote resonates with me as a parent,  I don't believe that a chaotic or uncharted childhood  means that our lives will be thus.  On the contrary, no matter what your childhood held, you can decide what you believe and what is important.  Matthew 6:24 states:  "No one can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other." 

     God, the Divine, the Heavenly Father , Yaweh, the Almighty, the Great Spirit, these are all labels we use to try and understand the unfathomable and infinite.  If we are are all children of the Divine, it is in our power to act like it.  None of us is better than the other.  None of us is more dearly loved.   None of us is more special.  What would happen if God's people fully embodied the beliefs that we espouse?  Would having the newest car still be as important as helping someone out?  Would material things still satisfy the thirst inside?  Matthew 6:20-21 reminds us to "store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy...For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be." 

      Each of us can take a moment and reflect:  Where does my heart lie?  How do I spend my time?  What do I place value on?  Our answers may differ in detail, but I would guess that we share some common themes.  If family is not present, some may create families among their friends.  I would guess that memories of time spent with loved ones outweigh tangible gifts.  A well timed kindness lasts longer than any beautiful wrapping or jewel.  

     The great religions give us an extraordinary start, but it is only a beginning.  The individual must search, read and set his own intentions.   To quote Madeline L'Engle , "We can't take credit for our talents.  It's how we use them that counts."  Take time to find your core.  If you work from there, you will live an authentic life.  Be blessed.

Parenting Is Like Space Jumping

     Felix Baumgartner went into space in a balloon capsule, got into the stratosphere, executed a free fall parachute jump from 128,000 feet (about 24 miles) and broke the speed of sound.  These facts are awe inspiring.  However, there are two facts that inspire me even more:  Baumgartner's trust in mission control's Joe Kittinger and his personal dedication to the mission.
     In 1960,  Joe Kittinger jumped from a balloon that was at 102,800 feet.  Though Felix broke the record for highest balloon jump yesterday, Kittinger still holds the record for the longest time in free fall.  Mr. Kittinger had a successful Air Force career, survived a Vietnamese prison camp and is considered an elder statesman of aeronautics.  Kittinger was Baumgartner's radio point of contact  during yesterday's jump.  Kittinger talked the space jumper through his check lists, calmly insisted on replies to questions and, when the jumper was in the door, told him " our guardian angel will look after you now."  For the parent, the parallels to parenting are profound.
      My son is on the verge of manhood.  We are still in a position to give advice and direction.  It's an exciting time for him.  He's forming his own opinions and deciding what kind of man he wants to be.  I feel good when he bounces ideas off us.  I feel elated when he takes initiative and when he is strong in who he is.

   Like Felix, my son will eventually need  his own fortitude.  The space jumper admits that there were times he thought about giving up on the mission.  There were periods where he had to regroup.  Our lives are like that too.  There will come a point when all our advice, and my son's training, will be called upon.  My hope is that he will leap with both feet.  I pray that he, like Felix, will realize that he is small compared to the world, but that he can still make a difference.  Like mission control,  I am nervous, but confident.  When children use their wings they surprise themselves and inspire others.  I will give up control and watch him soar, but I'll be praying a quiet prayer for  guardian angels too.  

What is Holy Yoga?

     There are many well- known styles of yoga:  Iyengar, Anusara, Bikram, Ashtanga and Kundalini to name a few.  Nomi Morris of the LA Times reviews religious yoga in her 2010 piece "Bending Yoga To Fit Their Worship Needs."  Morris notes that some Jewish yogis center their practice around the Kabbalah or the Torah.   Other Jews feel more comfortable viewing yoga as a solely physical practice.  There is also holy yoga, yoga linked to the Christian tradition.

     Holyyoga.net states that their mission is   "experiential worship specifically created to deepen your connection to Christ."  The practice is supplemented by scripture readings and music.  This yoga style was founded by Brooke Boon in 2003.  

     I have always enjoyed yoga, but this morning I had the chance to try Holy Yoga.  The class was  held in the church sanctuary and soft music played in the background. The instructor started out with brief remarks on being a child of God. At different intervals, she read selections from the book of psalms.  As we did our practice, she highlighted the symbolism of the poses.  Pigeon pose, a  floor pose that involves a bowing motion, can remind us that we bow to the will of the Heavenly Father.  Different heart opening poses can be seen as a physical prayer of opening up to God's love for us.   I left the class feeling limber and peaceful.    

     Some Christians feel that the Hindu past of yoga makes it inappropriate.  Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church (Seattle WA) has said that yoga is paganism.  In a Christianpost.com article, he is quoted as saying that yoga opens the door to demonism.  My experience was a prayerful and moving one, but people need to worship as they see fit. 

     One of my most memorable yoga practices was a Good Friday class.  The class was silent, contemplative and spiritually nourishing.  I see nothing wrong with adapting a practice to your own beliefs.  Buddhism teaches, and science confirms, that nothing in life is static.  People and circumstances are always in flux.  Why should religion be any different?  For me, any activity that encourages us to contemplate the Divine is time well spent.

Refreshed by a Dream Chorus

     I dreamed that I was kneeling by the side of my bed.  I pointed at the ceiling and I said, "I don't understand God, but I believe."  All of a sudden, the room was filled with the most exquisite music I've ever heard.  Hundreds of voices surrounded me and I knew that no matter what my circumstance I was not alone.   I opened my mouth and said "I am grateful", but the voice that came out was a bigger and stronger one than my own.
     This was not just a dream for me.   It was a dream for anyone who feels isolated or alone.  St Francis de Sales was speaking of angels when he wrote, "For without being seen, they are present with you." Just because we don't see everything with our physical eyes doesn't mean that the unseen is not real.  You can't see love, but you know it exists.  Please know that you are supported and loved far beyond our earthly understanding.  Our connections go beyond space, time and geography.  Have courage and walk on faith.

What Sheep Know

     I live down the street from a flock of sheep.  They are Churra sheep.  Their wool is prized by Navajo rug weavers.  I visit the sheep when I walk.  I've seen them when they need to be groomed.  They look like puffy pillows on twig legs.  I've seen them after shearing.  They look smaller and somewhat embarrassed.  These are creatures that are literally afraid of their own shadow, but they know something very important.

     Sheep know that they will do better together than on their own.  This is an instinct that comes straight from the Divine.  No matter what the weather, they rest in a heaping snuggle pile.  They are fond of resting their head on the neck or back of the sheep next to them.  They snuggle up.  They doze and snack.  If a new sheep joins the stack, they simply wiggle their way in and sit down.  The flock adjusts accordingly.
     Human beings are not not as flexible or welcoming.  We could be.  We have the resources and unlike sheep, we have intellect and intuition.  If we take the time to be inclusive, the whole group benefits.  There are family members and acquaintances who have a hard time fitting into the group. When we notice this, we can move over a bit.  We can cede some of our space and encourage them.  There may be a time when we're on the outside and that very person makes a space to let us be.  God gives at least one gift to each creature.  The humble sheep can't fly and he doesn't speak, but he knows the value of being inclusive.  We can learn a vital lesson from our timid, woolly friend.

The World Needs More Jedi

     We recently had a long, and frank, discussion with our son about our expectations.  The details that preceded this chat are unimportant.  Suffice it to say, we believed he could do better.  We were making good progress but then we had a breakthrough.  We told him, "You are a Jedi."

     We do NOT expect perfection.  We DO expect reflection and improvement.  We expect that he will stick up for those who are teased or harassed.  We expect his best effort. We expect him to hold himself to a higher standard.  

     There is light and dark in this world. To pretend otherwise is to be naive.  I don't care if my son is rich in a worldly sense.  I want him to have integrity and to encourage it in others.  I am not saying that the Jedi's way is easy. I am saying that it's right. 

     If it were easy to do the right thing, people would be doing it constantly.  Know that the Divine exists and make a conscious choice to follow it.  Use your powers for good.

Open Window

    Things in my universe have shifted.  Part of this is due to divine providence and part is due to me simply paying attention.  There's an old adage about a man who is stranded on his roof in the midst of a flood.  He prays to the Lord for help.  A series of rescuers comes by.  The man rejects all of their offers.  The water overcomes him and he finds himself face to face with St Peter.  He asks, " Why didn't the Lord save me?"  St Peter replies " He sent you a boat and a helicopter, what else could He do?"
    Sometimes we need eyes to see that the opportunity is right in front us.  We may need to ask for the grace to receive it.  I have been running around like a crazed gerbil, applying for jobs that I could do, but was not really qualified for. I have also applied for jobs I knew I would hate.  The mere thought of some of these jobs gave me insomnia.
      Then I had a revelation:  What would I do for free?  I already do it; I write.  I had a long, tearful conversation with my husband.  He said he wants me to be happy.  He also said he gets angry sometimes because he wants more for me than I seem to want for myself.  Is this a great time to branch out and try something fresh?  Risk is never cozy.  Now is as good a time as any.   So I bought a laptop, applied for some freelance projects and officially call myself a writer.  I have always written, but now it's official, and my heart is SO light.  Energetically, if you do what you love,  the universe supports you.  This doesn't mean everything will be easy.  It does mean you will be moving in the right direction.  I'm walking on faith and it feels wonderful.  His grace is sufficient unto me.

     

Homemaker: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

     For the last thirteen years I have been a stay at home mom.  It's nothing I set out to do. It even surprises me.  When my husband was in the military he deployed constantly.  It seemed sensible that one of us should stay home and give our son consistency and security,  and so I did.  I was able to help him a great deal.  When he had trouble learning to spell, I took cookie sheets and had him make the words out of goldfish crackers.  I made up spelling word games. I taught him anatomy from my nursing books.  I took him to visit farms and we took long nature walks.  Most importantly, whenever Dad was deployed, I was able to offer a tangible anchor, a steady presence.
     My time at home allowed me to delve  into self actualization.  I became a decent painter and gifted photographer.  I had the time to take care of  recuperating friends and family.  I was able to volunteer in myriad capacities.  I grew accustomed to scheduling my own time.
      Now, here's the bad.  My husband lost his job.  So after 13 years of staying home, I am looking for a job.  My resume looks like Swiss cheese. I  know that my years as a military spouse have made me resourceful, determined and a dedicated multi tasker.  I have raised a compassionate, intelligent and empathetic young man who is an independent thinker.  I am sure the Almighty will say "well done, good and faithful servant,"  but no one else cares. They don't.  I have contributed to society.  I have made an indelible contribution that will out last my paltry life, but in the short term, it doesn't matter.
       This brings me to the ugly.  I am left feeling like I totally misjudged my situation.  I thought I was doing a good thing and it has slapped me right in the face.  I should never have stopped working totally.  I could have at least worked part time.  However, it's too late for any of  that.  It is, what it is.  I have a smattering of experience in two very divergent areas, medicine and editing. In this economy no one wants to see that kind of resume.  I feel like going outside to the field behind my house and screaming loud, satisfying expletives.  ( I am thinking them as I write this).      To add insult to injury, I can't sleep. I fall asleep for a few hours and then I am wide awake.  You would think that all this awake time would allow me to come up with solutions; it has not.
     I am normally a positive person, but I have nothing left.  It reminds me of the X-files episode where Sculley says the following about God, " What if we're talking, but there's nobody listening?" 

In Search of Hallelujah

   Things in my neck of the woods are asunder.  My husband has been out of work for five months.  He's an educated and talented person; Honestly I thought he would have been hired already.  However, that is not the case, and today he got two rejections in a row.  It makes want to scream, " Really?  Can I get a break here?" 
     What can you do when your loved one is disappointed and hurting?  If you are me, you leave him the hell alone.    I haven't been married to him for 21 years for nothing.  After a couple of hours, we chatted.  I filled out a job application and found a temp job for next week. I keep thinking what else can I do?  Surely there's something?  Guess what?  There's one more thing!  I can wait. I can be patient.  Not my strong suits for sure. Psalm 40: 1 states, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;  He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.   He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."  This resonates with me; I feel the truth of it in my heart.  However my mind screams, "Have you forgotten me?"  I am sure this is a time of learning for us.  I am currently missing the message.  Like Samuel I cry out, "Speak , for your servant is listening."
      But God's time is unlike our time and his greater purpose often eludes are earthly craniums.  In Ecclesiastes we hear, "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."  Maybe this is our time " to tear down and then  to build? " 

      It is easy to be a believer when all is well.  So in the interim, I will take comfort in Romans 8:28 " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  I am grateful for all I have been given.  I am richly blessed.  In the midst of chaos the believer can still say "Hallelujah."  I want to say Hallelujah.  My heart's in the right place.  My rebellious mind and my desire for control make it difficult.  Today, I'll whisper it.  Maybe, just maybe, my robust "Hallelujah" is just around the corner?

Equal Threads

     A few months ago I took up a childhood hobby again: needlepoint.   The last time I had taken up a needle was in 7th grade art.  I made a a picture of a dark pink strawberry on an ivory background.  I remember enjoying the meditative quality of the stitches and the colors of the yarn.  Of course being me, this time I did not start with a nice little fruit picture.  I chose a tapestry, a full fledged tapestry.  It is one of seven designs depicting the Genesis story of creation.  I am crafting the first one based on "And God said, "Let there be light."  The pattern , resplendent with color and bursting stars,  is by textile artist, Alex Beattie.

     Tonight I was working on some yellow detail and I turned the canvas over to secure the loose thread.  God in Heaven!  Good job I don't plan on framing the piece with the back showing.  It's a right mess. Yet, I'm OK with it.  When you look at the back you can actually see how I've warmed up to the project.  I've gotten neater.  I've figured some things out and I've actually gotten better. I've even changed some colors to make the work more uniquely mine. In the midst of these improvements, the poorly tied off bits and tight stitches seem to fade a bit.
     I think if we consider our lives we can draw some of the same types of conclusions.  When I reflect on some of the things I've done and said, I wish I had done some things differently.  There were times I should have spoken up that I did not. There were times I should have shut up, when I did not.  There have been times I could have given more but didn't want to, and times I wanted to give more, but I could not.  Finally, there are the obvious mistakes that brought about incredible, and painful, growth.  I believe that a considered life is a well lived one.  The whole picture is composed of  many stitches; it would not be the same work without the mistakes and  the spontaneous ideas. When asked about his early research on electricity, Thomas Edison said " We now know 1000 ways how not to build a light bulb."  Notice he DID NOT say, "I failed 1000 times."  He knew that to get to the HOW he he had to go through the HOW NOT TO.  Painful but true.
      The poet Maya Angelou said, "We should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color." I am going to try and re- frame the way I look at my life.  It could very well be that I am not a failure, but a very purposeful work in progress.  That's a project I can stick with.

If The Shoe Fits, Wear It

    Every so often I have the immeasurable pleasure of discovering an author who is new to me.  Swedish writer, Henning Mankell is my recent find.  His comments were on the back of a Swedish detective series I'd started.  He loved the Martin Beck series, as do I, and I thought,  "Hmm, who is this Henning Mankell?"  He's written detective/suspense novels as well, but I chose to start with a straightforward novel,  The Italian Shoes.

     This work looks at the life of a surgeon who made a tragic mistake.  The novel recounts his reaction and his unpredictable, and stunning, redemption.  The characters are artfully drawn without being overly descriptive.  Mankell's use of metaphor is apt and sparing;  this makes their use powerful. When his pet dies he carries it and remarks on the weight,  he says, "  The dead are always heavy."  This line made me stop short and stop  reading.  The dead are heavy physically but they are heavy in so many ways. The storytelling has symmetry. The careful reader will appreciate the author's use of color and detail.   Mr. Mankell  is a craftsman.
     Who among us isn't in need of redemption, or at least clarity?  The main character's life takes unexpected, healing twists of growth.  His path is not an easy one, but it is there.  For me this story is one of hope.  There is always the opportunity for change, but the first steps are internal and unseen.  Change begins with your intention and your willingness to see things differently.  I realized this today when I was visiting  the naturopath.  Healing is not simply about balancing the physical body.  I've realized that healing is not just fixing my thyroid and losing weight.  In my case, healing means bringing the physical and spiritual into alignment.  It means accepting, as noted in Buddhism, things are always changing.  Peace is not being without conflict or affliction.   An unknown author phrased this so elegantly:  " Peace.  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."  Here lies the challenge:  No matter what your belief system or religion, do you believe that good is stronger?  Do you believe that despite our frailty and imperfection,  we are worthy of redemption?  Henning Mankell believes so, and I agree.  I say that it's time to try our highest selves on for size.  We have nothing to lose and a world of connection and peace to gain.

Make Your Dusting Count

    I just finished reading the memoir "The Hare With Amber Eyes"  by Edmund De Waal.  De Waal comes from a Jewish family who originally came from Russia.  They went on to become financial powerhouses in Paris and Vienna.  During WW II, they lost their homes, their possessions and their financial standing because they were Jews.  A few papers, books and a very special collection of Japanese netsuke, intricate toggles once used to close pouches or belts, were all that survived.  The book takes its title from an especially beautiful netsuke, the hare with the amber eyes.
     The Gestapo emptied the family home of its possessions and people and set up shop in the Ephrussi family home.  Anna, the Gentile maid, stayed with the house and continued cleaning and doing chores.  The netsuke sat observing, ignored and silent in a corner glass cabinet.  The cabinet was in a tiny room that used to be Madam Ephrussi's dressing room.  The children of the house would sit on the rug and play with the carvings while Anna helped the lady of the house get ready for the day.  Years later, during the German residence, Anna would put one netsuke in her pocket every day while dusting.  At the end of  each day, she hid the figurines in her mattress.  She did this until she had hidden away all 264 pieces. When Anna dusted and secreted away the tiny figures, she prayed a tangible prayer:  She would see the Ephrussi family again and she would give them these treasures back.
      Eight years after leaving Austria, Elisabeth, a Ephrussi daughter returned and Anna gave her the netsuke.  The intricate, tiny carvings that had once filled an elegant, velvet- lined cabinet were lovingly placed in a brief case and carried back to England, the new Ephrussi home.
    When the author found out about Anna's kindness and bravery, all the people who had known her had passed away.  The questions he wanted to know would remain unanswered; he couldn't even find out Anna's last name.
      Anna's compassion illustrates the nature of kindness.  Kindness is not measured by monetary standards or grandeur.  In Anna's case, a daily act of bravery added up to a kindness that transcends generations.  His Holiness the Dahli Lama, Mother Teresa and Jesus have all stressed the importance, and the power,  of compassion and love.  Each of us, no matter our circumstances, has the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others.  The form of this help may be very subtle.  You may simply sit and listen to someone without comment or judgement, providing them a haven.  You may let someone with less items go ahead of you at the grocery store.  You may hold a baby for a weary mother so she can answer nature's call.  The possibilities are infinite.  You may not be privy to the consequences of your acts of kindness, yet you are called to do them.  Kindness, unlike many other things, does not have a scale. Kindness is pure and it IS powerful.

Patient Flowers

      This is the first year I have planted flowers in a mountain climate.  Boy did I start too early!  I planted about the third week in May.  We got snow and wind around Memorial Day.  Needless to say, the flowers did not enjoy the snow treatment.  The were shriveled and sad.  I even covered them to get them through the unpredictable weather.  Once the surprise winter was over, I cut them way back.  I turned them daily. I  gave them fertilizer and lots of water. Truth be told, I also spoke words of encouragement to them. Why not? It can't hurt.   For a long time nothing happened, then two weeks ago,  I looked outside and a remarkable thing had occurred:  They bloomed and they bloomed bigger then the first time. 
     Pastor Scott Fine at Mountain Life Church spoke on Psalm forty this week.   In this psalm David cries out to the Lord saying, " I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry; He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."  Pastor Fine took the entire psalm and showed how it illustrates God's response to our call.  He does not ignore us, he turns toward us, he lifts us up, he gives us a firm footing, he puts a new song in our hearts AND "Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."  When things seem stationary and dead in our lives there is actually a lot going on. The pastor noted that God uses trying circumstances to teach us AND those around us lessons that we would not otherwise be open to learn.  The part of this that tests our faith is timing. God's timing is not our timing.
     I see a metaphor here with my plants.  They were not dead, but regrouping, regenerating.  Was it a pretty process? No. However, there was growth going on beneath the surface that the eye could not see.  So it is with us.  If we wait upon the Lord, if we accept the lessons along our journey, our blooms will be more vibrant and fuller than we ever imagined.  This is not easy to accept, but it is true. Wait, then, bloom.

In Praise of Kind Words

     Here's a nifty idea that can help you connect with members of your family. I originally saw this on Pinterest, but there are many examples on crafty websites.  I got a blank picture frame and used leftover scrap booking letters to spell "I love you because" on a blank piece of paper. When you want to write a note, you simply use a dry erase marker and write on the glass.   I hung this little masterpiece on the wall by my husband's side of the sink.  We leave each messages of encouragement whenever we feel like it or when the other person needs a boost.  Frankly, I didn't think my husband would like it. ( He is a loving and honest person but definitely not sappy).  However, as has happened before on occasion, I was wrong.  Indeed, he liked it very much!
    We currently have our nephews visiting us.  He knows I value being a loving aunt and he knows how much I love these kids.  I was very affirmed because his simple comment illustrates our common values.  He has always been someone to put children, the elderly and those who work for him,  first.  For him,  this is one of the keys to being a leader and being a man.
     I think this would be a fun activity for families with school age children too. My teenager wants no part of this " touchy-feely"  nonsense.  That' fine.  It's been a blessing for us "old fogies."

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." Proverbs 12:25

Find Your Small Things

"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”
― Mother Teresa

     This weekend I attended a ministry celebration for a dear friend.  She celebrated 18 years in Christian ministry.  She could have celevrated her 50th birthday, but instead chose to celebrate her time in service to others.   Our culture often glorifies the individual; it was faith affirming to celebrate selflessness and service.  The music, the fellowship and the prayers made the occasion profound.  We sang " Holy Ground" and the church was, indeed, holy ground.  My friend co-celebrated communion and she stood beautiful and strong in her robes.  When some one is answering their true call, you can see it.
    If you are a believer, you are called to use your gifts in service to others.  We are not all ministers, rabbis or priests.  We are called to serve in different ways.  Some, like myself, are called to help those who struggle with mental and physical challenges.  Others may be called to protect God's creation.  This ministry can involve nurturing the environment and God's creatures.  Parents, soldiers, police, sisters, brothers, uncles and aunts, there are as many opportunities for service as there are people.  There is no small job and no small gift.  As Mother Teresa said, "Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."
     At the service this weekend, we sang "Order My Steps".  If you are wondering what your gift is and what you should spend your time on, ask your God.  Be still and ask.  Don't be impatient like me.  Trust that you will receive an answer in God's time.  Each person vibrates at a unique frequency.  You are part of a greater whole, a larger piece of music.  You will find your small things and the world will be better for it.  Be patient and be blessed.

The Wise Gardener

    This weekend Pastor Scott Fine (Mountain Life Church)  centered his sermon around the following quote:  "Do not be deceived:  God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." (Galatians 6:7)  The remarks touched on different ways we can flourish:  reading scripture and really integrating it into our lives,  acting with intention and keeping like minded company were a few of his points.   The Bible is rich in agricultural and gardening metaphors and since I spent all of yesterday working in the yard,  it gave me time to think.

     The front of my house is shaded while the back is a sun filled meadow.  We live at 7500 feet above sea level and get lots of snow so these are all factors that the wise gardener must consider.  Shade loving plants thrive in the cool of the front porch whereas the meadow welcomes sun worshipers.  Hmm.  People are similar.  We all have the capacity to flourish  yet we need different environments. We all have unique lessons to learn.
       As I cleared the dead leaves in the front flower bed I was thinking that it would help the plants breathe easier.  God does the very same for us. " He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." (John 15:2)  When you take the dead branches and blooms off a plant, it allows the nutrition to go to the parts of the plant that are still vital and alive. I believe God gives us situations for our highest good.  I will admit that there have been times that I have questioned the wisdom of the Almighty.  However, I know my doubt is a product of my own short-sightedness.  I cannot see the big  picture until events have played themselves out.  Proverb 3:5-6 states: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight."
     Jesus calls us to go and bear fruit (John 15: 16) and he gives the command: " Love each other."  He did not say love those who are easy to love, love those you agree with,  or love those who love you.  He meant everyone.  As Pastor Andy Stanley (Northpoint Community Church, Alpharetta , GA) said, "How dare we unlove someone?"   God knows the recesses of our souls.  He gives us people and experiences that open our hearts and shine light in every corner.  He truly is the Wise Gardener.   May you flourish.

     

His Grace is Sufficient for Me

     As if bronchitis and a sinus infection were not enough, my thyroid  (probably feeling left out of the general merriment) is also out of sync.  Surely I am one of the only people who could be sick for nearly a month and not lose any weight at all.  I was getting winded walking up the stairs and attributed that to the chronic wheezing in my chest.  Happily the wheezing is gone, yet the fatigue goes on.  An astute doctor checked my thyroid levels and lo, they are half what they should be to function normally.  So, now I will gradually increase the dose and check the serum blood levels of thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) until I reach the therapeutic level.  Excellent.   
      At least there's an answer.  I was beginning to think I was losing my mind.  I certainly have NOT been losing any weight despite  strict diet and exercise.  I feel like I am trapped in someone else's body.  I've decided to take a new, radical approach, the hardest one of all:   Patience.  I will garden, walk, weight train, eat healthy, rest and get my medicine levels right.  I will not run until my heart feels like exploding.  I will not kick box until my lungs burn.  I will wait patiently. Supposedly, strength arises for those who wait upon the Lord.  I am now broken and I am ready to wait.  In 2 Corinthians Paul illustrates the Lord's view of weakness:  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  I have tried everything else; it doesn't work.  I am ready Lord;  I will wait upon your perfect timing. So I wait, and hope the "weight" will cooperate.  May you walk in His light.

Go in Peace

     I have been out of commission with a bad virus this week.   I went to the doctor to keep my viral self from morphing into pneumonia.  (Although I am a nurse, it is very hard to listen to your own lungs!)  I have spent the better part of the week hacking and struggling to breathe.  I have been so uncomfortable in my body that I could not sit still.  It got me thinking about the interface of our spiritual and physical bodies.
     I've seen many a movie where the loved ones tell the dying, " You can go now, it's OK."  Until the other day, I never really pondered the necessity of this gesture.  If I were dying, and my son needed me, I would hang on as long as I could.  I know this because I know how stubborn I am.  I am sure that eventually the body would give out, but I believe the spirit has some say.
     When my grandmother was dying she said,  " I'm scared."  What did I say? I said nothing.  I regret this and I regret it deeply.  It would have been better if I had said, "I would be too" or  " I understand" or well, anything would have been an improvement over my non-response. 
      Next time, when a loved one is dying I'll do things differently. I will reply and I will honor that very delicate place where body and spirit meet.  If a soul is ready to cross over they need support and faith.  I believe there's life after death.  Do I understand the nature of it? No.  Do I believe there's part of us that endures? Yes I do.  The awkward part about having loved ones die is we tend to make it about us.  Their illness and departure is about them.  When they leave, our loneliness and sorrow is about us. There's a time and a place for both.  Next time, I'll do a better job.  May  peace, mercy and compassion be yours.

Music in My Soul

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
Lao Tzu

    I went to hear a Third Day concert last week.  They are a Christian rock group from my hometown, Atlanta.  There is a spectrum of opinion on what sacred music is or should be.  I endured the droning monologue  of a young, and very self important, priest a few years ago.  "Only traditional music can be sacred," he opined.  Blah, blah blah blah blah.  He droned on until I thought my head might explode.  I was attending a wake and not in the mood to argue so I simply left the room.  Music, like other arts is subjective.  I say that whatever brings your heart closer to the One, whatever gives you pause to consider the holy,  that is sacred my friends.   
   There were times during the concert that the entire audience sang the songs a capella.  It was a beautiful, sacred sound and surely heard by the universe.  Each of us brings unique qualities and gifts.  Each brings a distinct frequency to the world.  Find the music that resonates with you and let your soul rise up.  Be joyous.

A Spiritual Bouquet

    A bouquet is an arrangement of flowers that are given as a gift.  A spiritual bouquet is a collection of prayers, masses, rosaries or good works that are carried out for the intention of another.  Though traditionally a Roman Catholic devotion,  the idea could be used by any religious tradition.  It is a meaningful and very personal gift.
     In the book, 365 Mary by Woodeene Koenig-Bricker, the author states, " Unlike the old fashioned spiritual bouquet, yours doesn't have to consist of Rosaries or set prayers.  Instead, you could wish someone happiness every time you think of them this week. Or you could vow to remember them with positive thoughts every morning when you brush your teeth."   The possibilities are infinite.  Be creative.  Here's how to get started.
     The bouquet is usually presented as a card, though I have seen bouquets made by children that use colorful, huge posters.  With card stock as you base material, you can draw flowers, print out pictures or photos, or even make a collage.  Include a list of the devotions you will undertake or have already finished for the recipient.  For example, the inside of your card could look something like this:

A Spiritual Bouquet For You

1 Mass
3 rosaries
5 days of prayer upon arising or even brushing teeth
or even I will pray for your highest good when I am cooking or washing the dishes

     The devotions do not have to be complicated and the list does not have to be long.  It is the thoughts and intention that are important.  Things are temporary, but relationships and love defy even death.  If you know someone who has a big birthday or anniversary coming up, consider giving them a spiritual bouquet.    As Kahlil Gibran noted in his work The Prophet, "  You give little when you give of your possessions.  It is when you give of yourself that you truly give."   He goes on to say  "there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;  They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space."  I believe a spiritual bouquet is a wonderful simile for true giving.  Be like the myrtle; give an unseen, but deeply felt gift.
    

A Community of Believers

     Webster's defines community as" A population of people living in the same place and under the same laws."  Religion is defined as "the service and worship of God or the supernatural."  Herein lies my quandary:  Can one have community without organized religion?  I think you can.
      Many good works and many vile acts have been committed in the name of religion.  This isn't God's fault.  It is the result of human nature and free will.  In every moment of your life you are free to choose your response and your actions.  You are free to be an atheist or agnostic if you so choose.  History has shown us that power and greed warp human nature.  We can look back to the crusades and shrink with horror at the things done in the Lord's name.  Roman Catholics slaughtered  Muslims AND Eastern Christians.  The shameful degradation of holy places and wholesale murder of innocents is sickening.  Yet, this kind of behavior is still committed by many faiths today.
       Growing up Catholic in the deep South I was asked why I worship statues.  This came as a great surprise to me;  I saw statues as a visual aid and nothing more.  I had Baptists telling me I could still go to heaven as long  as  I "don't say that Hail Mary prayer."  The list goes on and I am confident that my Catholic brethren have equally offended other Christians.
       Some Catholics are offended by the very ideas contained in the book, Angels  and Demons.  They have every right not to read it or to read it and reject it.  For me it is a book that gave me food for thought.  Ideas are not frightening; Not thinking and making your own choices is frightening.
       When I reflect on organized religion, I find myself torn.  I love the rituals and ceremony of the church.  I like the rosary.  I love the symbolism of lighting candles for loved ones or for an intention.  However, I bristle at being told how to vote from the pulpit.   I think women should be priests if they hear the call.  I disagree with the Church's view on contraception. I do not think contraception and abortion are one and the same.
     In the end, I have learned to form my own community of believers who may call the Divine different things.  My  circle includes all believers in the One.  It would be simpler if I believed one set of tenets, but I DO believe in One Divine creator who defies definition and description.  Hinduism is not, as many believe, polytheistic.  There is one Divine that has many facets, much like the faces of a diamond.  This is a good metaphor for how I see the Divine.  It is so vast, so beyond our comprehension, that we have come up with various ways of describing it.  So I see myself as part of a worshiping community that goes beyond walls and culture to embrace the Light.  In yoga, the practice is begun and ended with the word, "Namaste", "the Light in me greets the Light in you."  Call the light by whatever name you will, when we pray, I believe our voices are joined. Namaste.

Why Mary Magdalene Should Be My BFF

     One of the things I admire about Jesus is that he is the way for anyone who chooses to approach Him.  The Bible tells countless stories of Jesus dining with tax collectors, the sick and lame and women of questionable reputation.  When an adulterous woman  was brought before Jesus, He said "Let you who is without sin cast the first stone."  This made an impact on the crowd.  Moments before they were self-righteous and ready to stone her.  After His comments, the crowd dispersed. Jesus told the woman to go and to sin no more.
      The story of Mary Magdalene is one that is open to debate.  Was she a prostitute?  Or was she an independent woman that did not fit the culture of her time?  I honestly don't know. The answer did not matter to Jesus;  he welcomed her into His circle.  He saw her as a soul on a journey
      When I think of Easter Sunday, I think of the miracle of the resurrection and I can't help but notice that it was Mary Magdalene who first saw the risen Lord.  That's right.  Mary Magdalene, a woman of questionable reputation, was the first to see the risen Lord.  For me, this is no accident.  Jesus message is  for all people. I am touched and humbled that Jesus chose Mary Magdalene as among the first to see Him.  For me, it speaks volumes about Jesus' message.
       Jesus was not interested in beautiful Easter dresses and fancy Easter bonnets.  He was not captivated by fame or connection.  Jesus was interested in  faith and love.  In Matthew 9:12, Jesus says," It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  But go and learn what this means:  I desire mercy, not sacrifice."    Just as He showed mercy, we are called to show mercy.  We are called to leave judgement to God.  None of us is perfect. None of us is without sin.   Because of our own imperfections, we are called to compassion.
     The concept of compassion is a common thread among the world's religions.  Buddhism has a strand of meditations specifically centered around loving kindness and compassion.  This type of meditation can be visualized as concentric circles.  You picture yourself in the middle.  You begin at the outer circle and picture an acquaintance.  You pray that they have peace, mercy and compassion.  You move inward praying peace, mercy and compassion for those you know AND those you know that are difficult for you.  Slowly you work your way  toward those in your inner circle and then yourself, concluding with "May I have peace, mercy and compassion" and finally, "May all sentient beings have peace, mercy and compassion."  
      Jesus gave two commands that echo these ideas on compassion:  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."  and "Love your neighbor as yourself."  I think the second command is often tougher to follow.  We are not called to be self righteous.  We are not called to look down on others.  We are called to radical, other worldly love.  

Holy Week Memories

      Holy Week brings to mind many childhood memories.  I think back to the Holy Week I spent with my grandparents when I was 12.  My grandparents were hardworking,  devoted believers who had immigrated from Czechoslovakia.  Their earthly world was insular; it  revolved around church and family.  However, their spiritual world seemed vast and just as real.  The impact of  mystery on a child's soul and mind is hard to quantify.   I grew up believing that some things are accepted on faith.
       Their Church, St Nicholas of Myra, was a Byzantine Rite Catholic church.  The church was a glorious collage of icons, rich colors and stained glass.  When I think of it, I can smell the incense and I can hear my grandmother chanting the rosary in Slovak.
      Holy Week  meant baking, lots of baking.  I helped my grandma make the Pascha, or Easter bread.  We made cheese and decorated it with a cross made of cloves, we dyed red eggs and we shaped butter in glass dishes.  All of these delicacies were blessed by the priest on Holy Saturday.  The blessed food was then eaten for a late snack on Saturday or breakfast on Easter Sunday. 
       Holy Week meant lots of Mass and lots of rituals.   Good Friday was a day of strict fasting, no dairy and no meat.  Good Friday was a somber day for technology too.  There was no radio and no television.  I got snagged for watching cartoons at a friends house one year. Oops!
       One of my most vivid memories about Easter Sunday is my Grandpa saying grace.  On Easter Sunday, you all stand to say grace.  I was impressed by the solemnity and the sense of honor in this simple gesture.  Another custom involves the greeting of the day.  People say, "Christ has Risen."  Then the other person responds, "Indeed He is risen."  These gestures weave the core message of Easter into the fabric of the day.  This puts me in the mind of an Easter card display I saw.  There were dividers for the cards and they said "niece", "husband", "grandma" "clergy" etc and wait for it..."religious".  It is a religious holiday.  I have nothing against spring, but Easter IS a religious holiday.   
       Easter is the cornerstone of the Christian faith.  When I say I am a Christian, it doesn't mean that attend a certain church and have certain friends and can remember certain scriptures.  It means that I am a follower of Jesus Christ.  It means that I believe He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  It means that I am called to love my enemies, care for the poor and forgive others as I would like to be forgiven.  Jesus is inclusive. His circle is one where there is always a seat for someone new.   During His lifetime, He ate with tax collectors, prostitutes and the unclean.  As the Christian rock song says "Jesus paid much too high a price for us to pick and choose who can come.  We are the body of Christ."  
       During this Holy Week, I reflect on the foundations of my faith with gratitude.  I also understand that being a Christian is a practice,  not a static label.  I pray that this week refreshes my faith and opens my heart to God's grace.  It is this  grace and mercy, so clear on Easter Sunday,  that will enable me to continue my Christian practice.  I pray that God blesses all of you.  May you have peace in your heart and enjoy a connection with the Divine.  Have a blessed Holy Week.

What Chemistry Says About the Afterlife

     I am currently reading "The Phenomenon of Man"  Originally published in in English in 1959.  It is written by Jesuit, theologian and man of science,  Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.   De Chardin sought a framework that would bring science and religion together.  De Chardin is a complex and fresh thinker.  Because his ideas were unorthodox, the church forbid the publication of  many of his works, including "The Phenomenon of Man" during his lifetime.  "Phenomenon of Man" was published in 1955, four years after De Chardin's death.
      I was only on page 51, when De Chardin's musings prompted a revelation in me.  The curious thing is that it has been in front of me for years.  When he sets the groundwork for his approach to evolution and the development of man,  he references chemical equations.  He states, "What is gained on one side is lost on the other.  Nothing is constructed except at the price of an equivalent destruction."  Having written and solved many equations in organic chemistry, I can picture equations in my head.  Whatever you did to one side you had to do to the other.  Change happened, yes.  Yet chemical change is this:  It is transformation NOT extinction.  This got me thinking about, not chemicals, but  death and the afterlife.
      The basic laws of chemistry and science tell us that there is a balance that is maintained.  Who am I to argue?  Up to now, I have simply relied on faith and intuition when I think about death.  I feel that there is something after this life.  I sense it in my heart.  However, De Chardin's words and direction have me thinking.  What if death is a process and energy is expended and transformed, not extinguished?  To pick up on his evolutionary thread, what if death is merely the next step in an evolution of ourselves?  Could it be an evolution where unencumbered by a physical body, we are more fully ourselves?   I like to think that when we cross over, or go home,  we are more alive than we ever were.
       I had no idea that "The Phenomenon of Man" would be so rich and thought provoking.  Pick it up and see what you think.  It is meaty.  It is slow going at times,  but the rewards are abundant.  You will appreciate De Chardin's mind and stimulate your own.

Welcome

    Greetings!  Welcome to my studio.  I call this blog the Handmaiden's Studio because my first name is Mary.  Growing up Catholic, I thought Mary was the least inspired name a girl could get.  There were Marys aplenty at Our Lady of the Assumption  school.  In my family, if Mary wasn't your first name it, or some derivative, it was surely your confirmation or middle name.  As a teenager, I wanted to be something exotic,  perhaps Monique or Esme or Chantal.  When I was older, I began to see the real depth of beauty in the name, Mary.
     In the New Testament, the angel of the Lord appears to Mary and says, "Behold the handmaiden of the Lord."  Then he proceeds to tell her she will bear a child conceived of the Holy Spirit.  Much to Mary's infinite credit, she says,"let it be done unto me according to your word."  Whether you are Christian or not, this is a powerful message of faith.  I would like to think I would have been like Mary, but I seriously doubt that I would have replied in kind.   So in lieu of bringing forth the Savior and starting a new religion,  I try to apply Mary's faith to the events in my very ordinary life.
      We have lived on many Army bases around the world.  Once I attended daily Mass at an Army post in the deep South.   There were many exchange officers from different countries.  One of the officers from South America went up to receive Communion.  He took a knee, put his beret and his hand over his heart and then stood to receive Communion.  It was a simple gesture, yet powerfully moving.  He acknowledged his true leader by his simple act of devotion.  In the Byzantine rite Catholic Mass, the priest will either say "the servant of the Lord receives the body of Christ" or if you are a woman, "the handmaiden of the Lord receives the body of Christ."  I never feel belittled by this phrase.  On the contrary, I feel honored.
       This blog will be a place where I  write about the spirit.    In my heart, I know there is something other than this plane.  I am not sure that we can fully comprehend it this side of heaven.  The Divine, and all the mystery that the term implies,  reminds me of going into the Library of Congress in Washington, DC.  I was thrilled that I could simply sit at a desk and request any book that had ever been published in the US.  At the same time, I was keenly aware that, even at eighteen, I did not have enough lifetime to read them all.
       My thinking is much like brainstorm mapping.  I pull seemingly unrelated things together and strive to find the subset.  I am a soul on a journey.  You will not find a certain dogma here.  So again, welcome.   Namaste, "The Light in me greets the Light in You."  Blessings on your journey.